afraid to trust

2009-04-30T02:41:00.002+08:00

And so the conversation goes:

kor: eh..teach me the 7 steps of handwashing leh!
me: ok..*shows the 7 steps*
kor: wha lao..you think water and soap free one ar?? think by the time i finish, i'd miss my bus la!!
me: ...........

over dinner:
kor: eh, if Swine flu hits, will u get quarantined in the hospital??
me: obviously not
kor: eee..then you'll be bringing home the virus
me: we have to shower and change before we leave the premises la
kor to des: eh, we wait for her at the lift, the moment she walks out, we use the fire hosereel and hose her down k!
des: hahahaha
dad: ya!! hose her down like bathing pigs like that!
me: wha lao eh.....

Entering the hospital was a little different today, at the lift landings and the entrance at B2 pharmacy, there were "gantries" set up to monitor visitors that come and go, there seemed to be lesser visitors around at level 1. All the hype about Swine Flu is getting to me!! the only thing i'm happy about it is the possibility of us reverting back to wearing scrubs. Other than that, every afternoon's roll call is seemingly LONG! sisters briefing us on the latest updates. apparently, we are supposed to "clear" the ward just in case, seeing that TTSH is the hospital for infectious diseases. everyone is just hoping it wont happen, but oh wells. In a way, its gonna be a challenge for everyone, but the fear is evident all around the hospital. Sigh, i seriously hope nothing happens!

2009-04-19T00:34:00.003+08:00

Week's rather fruitful, in a way..not counting the fact that there were 2 resus in a week, in a span of 2 days! sigh..yb n i are jinxed =(

Wed was CATS day.Was fantastic, the stage was done up so nicely!! and ok..i dun meean to be a spoiler, but they engage the audiences as well, at random times, they'd run up to where we're sitting and just "disturb" us, one even chased after a woman, funny..

Thurs met up with jac(sch) had a nice chill out/ catching up session with her. bumped into an ex classmate, turns out she already has a 2mth old kid, while another poly mate recently gave birth to a boy and another just gave birth to her 2nd kid!! omg..i sooo think i'm gonna b an oldmaid=(

Fri, headed out with ren for a little shopping, headed to yassin's for supper with edric. hahah..funny how he saw clarrisa and lucas, and commented that he watched them grow up (coz i was saying clarrisa's 17 already! last time i saw her she was still a small kid) and then we'd talked about young time being neighbours and all, and he was drunk at 2200hrs..no kidding.

night duty's damn SLOW right now, my only companion is a novel from john grisham and facebook of course, unfortunately the doctor on call is a terrible horrendous piece of shit (alot of people can vouch for that)

i hate it when patient's relatives think that they are the ones paying us our wages! i mean, if you had said nicely that you'd like things to be done in a different way, i'd gladly listen and comply, but when some one says this " ok, later my sister is coming, she'll let you know what you're SUPPOSED to do" hello?!?! "supposed" to do..excuse me!! my pay is not coming out of your pockets, and i'm definitelty not your personal maid! and another seperate incident, a patient had a fall ( he was by the way demented and non compliant AT ALL) and his daughter claims she'll not pay for the scans as it was OUR RESPONSIBILITY to look after her dad, once he is in hospital, it aint her problem anymore. i mean...seriously..what kinda mentality is that?!? we wana restrain him, you forbid, we wana nurse him outside you said no, asked for a sitter, you replied aint your prob..now he falls, you wana take advantage of the situation..honestly, these people should just go and die!!!!

2009-03-31T23:47:00.002+08:00

I should be typing my essay which is due in 2 weeks!! but i needed a break, so what the hell.okok..dont say i didnt warn, but its gonna be a long post! heh

My annual leave ended last week, a little fast but it was fruitful! first up, spent the first day just lazing at home and catching up with whats on tv and stuff, thinking of what to post for my reflective question (1 due each week!!)

2nd day of AL, lazed half the day, headed out to meet kevin n karen for dinner, which was really late, but oh wells, kev was super excited with the fact that we were heading to play l4d after dinner that he was like..."faster eat!! its 9 already!!" so yea...speaking of which...i kinda miss playing it!! oh no..better not get addicted!!

3rd day spent at the Zoo. Yes, 4 overgrown kids at the zoo! haha, met jak, charmaine and janet at AMK for lunch before we bus down. I must say, for a weekday, it was pretty croweded, but then again, it was the pri/sec school holidays, so, expected. After spending a day under the sweltering heat, headed to PS for movie and dinner, think we practically stink up the entire cinema! haha, but the most annoying thing about the movie, the couple behind place their bare feet like on our head/arm rest, so basically, if i turned to talk to my jak, i'd see a feet first! we got so annoyed that we raised the arm rest in the end. stupid inconsiderate people!
After the movies, rushed to carrefour to buy last minute stuffs for my trip to vietnam!!

First time flying alone overseas is simply fun!! wished i had the money and time to do it more often =(.. waited at HCM airport for like 30 mins for zena, turns out that girl was stuck in early morning traffic (it was friday, and i arrived at 0850 their time). scared me half to death, thought she overslept or something! breakfast was traditional roadside sandwich which was really delicious, the three layered pork ( san cham bak or smthg like that) with over easy eggs in a baguette. She brought me around the city, it was madness!! the heat was just unbearable!!! met her roommate hoon kiat, he joined us for lunch, brought me to another road side stall to try out their noodles, fantastic!! walked in the sweltering heat, decided to stop by fanny's (their version of like, say, haagen dazs, basically an ice cream palour kinda thing) had extremely good ice cream, and its back to walking in the heat to banh tienh market to shop!! =D.bought bags, some clothes for the younger bro and mom. got karen's beef noodles!

Dinner was at zhi cha (their version) , not too bad though most of the dishes we wanted were sold out =( so zena brought me to a road side stall(yet again, but i dun mind, it tasts wayy better!) to eat their beef steak..omg..just thinking of it now makes me want to fly there for more!! it is so thin and tender, its filling but doesnt make you feel too full kinda thing. hitched a ride from her other roommates in a cab, headed to some arabian kinda pub thingy, nice chill out place, they drank and sesha-ed. there was even belly dancing, but the girls only kept dancing to one particular song, which began to annoy us but oh wells..

the next day, took a 4-hour long bus ride to mui ne resort (beach resort) for a nice getaway. the china kid behind kept singing and talking, i have no idea where she got all that energy from cause our ride was at 7am in the morning!!!! we blasted our ipods but still cldnt drown out her voice ..sigh... the drive there was alittle nerve wrecking cause, for those who have been to vietnam before, you'd know that even with traffic lights, they just drive with not a care in the world, the only comforting thing is that they're driving at 40-50km/h!! hahaha!! and the reason why they horn at you is to warn you, but still manage to siam you! imagine in SG, one would probably get "the finger" from the driver if you jay walked on a busy roundabout! (yes.. HK and zena made me do tt)

so anyways, our room was directly outside the beach, not a seaview from the room but well, its just "open door and your at the beach!" kinda room. the view was pretty, rented bikes to cycle around, ZENA GOT A BIKINI!! yes..you heard me right!! hahah..but its really nice! speaking of the bikes that we rented, we got conned la!! someone stole one of our bikes while we were lounging at the poolside!! and we paid approx in SG 133..like what the hell, its not even BMX material can!! meals were all provided with the package that we bought, it was not bad. the comforting thing at night when you sleep is that you could hear the waves crashing in, somehow, it was very soothing.

next morning, we lazed in the room instead of heading out. left mui ne at approx 12 noon, reached HCM at 6pm?? headed to benh tienh to look for HK, then walked around abit, went to the night market thingy for dinner. met her welfare coordinator ben and his gf, plus the rest of her roommates, had shells (a motherlode of them) for dinner, and personally not a fan of shells, the way they cooked it, it was awesome!!!

headed to acoustic (their version of timbre) not too bad, though i feel it should be open -aired cause the loudness is magnified in an enclosed area! drinks were damn cheap..her indonesian friend wanted to get to know some girl, its damn funny, shant go into details. so my last night was pretty fun. unfortunately, my flight was at 7 am in the morning!!

oh wells, back in SG, back to reality, though it was a quick getaway, it was good! unfotunately, had to head to sch after i got back..and then its back to work again..sighhh...

but my last weekend was pretty good!! kor managed to get rooms at Crowne Plaza at Changi Airport. it was really nice, room with a pool view, 2 king sized bed!! awesome toilet that overlooks the room! sighh..i wana live there permanently please!!!..too bad all good things must come to an end. now its really back to the harsh reality of life =(

2009-03-19T01:33:00.002+08:00

Its been a while, and i feel, i'm ready to move on. When it first happened, i pretended everything was alright, went to work like nothing ever happened, Daph was amazed at how composed i was, cause for her, she'd channel her pain into self hurt. Me, i just suppress it, to the back of my mind, so that i won't have to think about it. Although i must admit, the first few days of putting up a front has been a very trying period, when i'm not preoccupied with things, i start to think of the what ifs and what could have beens, but then, i remembered someone saying, dont, cause it'll just cause more pain and heartache.

So days passed, i hated the fact of going home early, cause an idle mind is a devil's workshop (indeed it is), kept myself preoccupied, went out with friends, concentrated on school work (something which i've never done before!) and now, i wouldnt say i've totally let go, but i'm ready to. But all i need is closure, so that i can move on, start over again. Starting over as friends.

This trip was a spur of the moment kinda thing. but i guess, its a good thing, because then, i could leave everything behind, even if just for a few days, to clear up my mind, to forget and reflect on everything that has happened within the past year. From gaining back a friend and losing another. . Gaining a new addition in the family (and yet another to come by!! =D ) Starting school, and the toll its taken. For having you even if it were just mere months and the times spent. Mere 3 months into the year and so many things have happened.

I want to go there, leave this burden there, and come back, to a "new start".

From you, all i need is closure. =)

M listening to a theme from twilight : river flows in you. apparently it's bella's lullaby?? but yea, anyone who has it, could you be oh so nice and send it to me =) its really soothing!

On a lighter note, i never knew kevin was a l4d addict!! ahaha..okok..maybe not addict, but well. Met up w ren n kev for dinner, headed to selegie for l4d. damn excites can!! saw karen's lil nephew's pic, gosh, he's so adorable!! bumped into dree, made me realise i havent been to church in eons, which is pretty bad, but blame it on shift work! heh.

interward transfer is in april, as much as i said i hated that sister (IT)and wouldnt mind transferring, i still secretly hoped i'd stay where i am till my bond's up, and so far, so good. heard that LQ is goin to 8d, pity her in a way cause the last time she got deployed there, she got bullied pretty bad. oh wells. now that PBL is no longer in our ward but AG, things have been very conflicting at work that, at 1 point, i shouted to YB...how the hell do they want us to work when they both are so conflicting?!?! that charles the dietician (i suspect he's gay) started laughing at me and said " dont stress, dont stress, later got wrinkles then not pretty le" -_-''
but at least, AG looks after our welfare as opposed to PBL who "worships" doctors and think they're always right! and at least AG has said things to boost my morale at work and i dont feel so demoralised now=D although, she has to stop repeating herself like a broken record, its getting to me!!

2009-03-15T00:34:00.003+08:00

Paintball was AWESOME..first time playing it and it was damn fun!! unfortunately it had to be raining, but all in all, it was good!! thanks ian for organising!! =)

after the game, famished, 7 of us squeezed into the grand vitera and headed for katong. had to look out for a petrol kiosk desperately though...the needle was pointing at 'E', unfortunately, i had matthew as gps system, who guided me to river valley instead of katong!!! (supposed to take PIE..he said stay on CTE), but alls well ends well, kevin finally woke up from his comfortable position in the boot and directed us to esso then headed to seah st ( i think) for an awesome peranakan dinner...thanks guys for the treat!!

seeing it was too late to go play Left 4 Dead, we headed to settlers for games, char joined us...it was hilarious and fun.

anyways..thanks guys for a wonderful day (minus the rain)

i cant wait for tues to come, finally..my well deserved annual leave (but prob use it to do my damn assignment) then come friday, my trip to vietnam (which i bought at the spur of a moment..dun ask) at least i'll b meeting up w zena there..who has planned something =)

2009-02-22T16:08:00.002+08:00

This broken cassette
echoes inside me,
like your words.

"Goodbye..."

2009-02-19T19:49:00.004+08:00

On impulse, i bought this. The only comfort i can look forward to

i want yesterday to be all a dream
i want yesterday to not be real
more than ever,
i wish yesterday never happened

stop telling me i'm stronger than i think i am
stop telling me that i deserve better
stop telling me its better now than later
stop telling me it hurts now but it'll be better

because
i'm not strong
i don't want better
i don't want it now, nor do i want later
i don't want it to hurt ever

2009-02-17T23:27:00.003+08:00

This month hasnt exactly been what i wished it to be.

People asked questions that i cannot answer, dont wish to answer, dont ever want to have an answer. I'm sorry for not being the person that you wanted me to be on that day. It broke my heart when you said "No, thank you for being there."

What happenes, when the person you looked up most to, just ends up disappointing you time after time. It was supposed to be a joyous occasion, but everyone knew the happiness exuded was forced, it wasnt genuine. This time, you broke so many people's hope in you, not just mine. Everyone believed you could have been better, everyone held you in somewhat of a high regard, but this action, just brought everyone down.

I dont want to feel like that, cause i love you, but you have just disappointed me so many times, that I have lost the 1 person that I always looked up to.

work hasnt been that good either, especially when you have a supervisor who practise favouritism. It wasnt our fault, it should have been the admitting staffs that should have made sure that everything was there. Not the staffs that come in only 8 hours later! and those people have been working there for years!! they should know the protocols better than i do!

but when you scolded only me and the other girl and not the rest involved, it just shows that all your talk about you not practicing favourtism is nonsense. And well known for your sarcasm, you had to just say those words that made me feel so demoralised that i dont even feel the joy in working. Now i dread going to work, dread everything i do. I always loved what i did, now i'm unsure.

mood has been really low, its so low i dont know what to do anymore, sleepless nights just adds on to it. God Help!!

2009-02-07T19:13:00.003+08:00

3 hours long, but loved every minute of it!! everyone should put this show on their "MUST WATCH" list!!

CNY had come and gone..ok maybe still have a few more days left, but celebration was alright. The gatherings of relatives and friends. M pretty much lookin forward to this year, 2 weddings coming up!! =) On third day of CNY, headed to Char's for dinner, i loved the beef and the soup her mom cooked, fantastic! ended up playing black jack till 2 plus in the morning.

I've never been to a wholesale centre before and I didnt think i would ever need to go there (unless i open a restaurant or something like that, which aint gonna happen..hahaha). so when he said lets go "dou fong" i said...OK...and found myself at the wholesale centre where he has a friend who was helping out at his dad's stall. my goodness, i cant imagine how early these people must wake up!! then he said, interesting?? well..yea..for a person who has never seen THAT much vegetables. so he said..ok, next time, bring you go fish market. i cant bare to imagine the smell..but it would be really interesting to see what fishes there are.

School has started, and i am pulling my hair out!!! essays and more essays. research n more research. journals and more journals. so far so good but starting to feel alittle stressed and a little regrets to actually work and study, but oh wells, all for the sake of a paper. =(

2009-01-21T00:29:00.002+08:00

Saturday, headed to ren's for her house's "RE-heating" cause they had renovated the entire place before Chinese New Year. Dinner was good! Apparently Handsome-boy Matthew claimed he has never eaten popiah in all his 18 years which caused the whole table to stare at him in shock and disapproval! haha..poor boy. Good food, good company, nothing beats that, 'cept that russ and candy couldnt join us =( And according to sera and ling jun, because my tag team partner wasnt around, i had no choice but to play ROCK BAND with them!!! despite me saying my hand-eye co ordination is damn lousy, i succumb after awhile, and to my amazement, IT WAS DAMN FUN!!!! according to russ, when i told him what i did, he said he should so go and buy 4D, sure strike one! what the hell!!

anyhows, work was bleah, damn busy, so many discharges cause of the festive period coming up. met ren for retail therapy, and it was serious retail therapy. The damage to wallet, pretty bad. headed to villa frangipani after that for an awesome and cheap thai/muslim dinner. Cabbed to selegie, and played LAN..yes..LAN..for a person who only uses her laptop for blogging/chatting and what not, gaming is definitely not on the list. BUT miss karen wong had to introduce me to Left 4 dead...oh my gawd, i actually hung up on pple when they called can..that was how engrossed i was with the game, damn exciting!!

oh yea, was telling ren, i came to a conclusion, i no longer have a name. hahah...now, everytime i see kenn/ char or russ its no longer.."HI KRIS" but it is now "ello missy" and karen said " if anyone has that name, she's either a stripper or a nurse" my response " thank goodness i'm the latter"

All in all, shopping was good, dinner was excellent, doing something different for a change, fun, companion for the day, AWESOME.. we go hotpark soon!

2009-01-17T14:42:00.002+08:00

Ok, for the last time, DO NOT message me at 7am regardless of anything, unless its an emergency. And worse, recieving messages that makes you pissed off at that time aint very fun. Twice this has happened, and lucky thing i was already heading home from work, so it wouldnt spoil my mood at work. AND if you're not my parents, you have no right to tell me what to do or control my life.

So headed out with gen aft a mere 7 hours of rest, somehow feeling really energetic still (wierd i know) after 9 and a half hours of work without rest at night. shopped for personal stuffs, headed down to marina to get roses for audrey's dance, rushed through dinner, sam arrived and shared cause we didnt really have enough time. managed to reach there in time. audrey's performance was really good! bumped into a senior from IJ! amazingly she could still recognize gen and i! and she's still as good looking as ever!! ah..genetics..if only everyone had that perfect gene! haha

so anyways, topic of conversation for the day : communication and honesty when in a relationship.
was pretty random but we were just wondering, how far would one go to tell a white lie or even lie for that matter to someone you love. and we kinda figured, a white lie would be the last resort (if need be). we'd always tell the truth whether you like it or not, its the truth and nothing would change that. and its best to let your other half know what you do or did in the past,at least, if its in the early part of the r/s you can still salvage and whatever, as opposed to when you guys get really serious and then, when you decide to tell the truth, if the other half can take it, good for you! if he/she cant, then the relationship has just been a catastrophe waiting to happen.

we then moved on to another topic : the EX.
we all (those in the conversation) haf issues about them but we learn to deal with it, we may be unhappy about you meeting him/her and what not, but ultimately, if you guys still maintain close contact with each other, we, as the other halves, cant do anything about it but to DEAL with it.we'd tell you how we feel about it, but we dont expect you guys to just ignore the friendship that you once shared with them. we cant help it if they have a past, we all have pasts, its just whether we ended it amicably or not. we cant, just because we're not happy about it, cause you to be antisocial, zhong se qing you, or totally NOT let you talk to your exs. Not everyone ends their relationship in a bad way, i know of many who still remain friends and go on to date other people, but still maintain good contact. basically, it boils down to TRUST. one of the key points when in a relationship.

ok, so all these are just based on what afew close friends and i think. different people may have different opinions, maybe some of you would think, break up means the end, you should be hostile and all. but like i said, each his own, and its my blog, i say what i want. if you're not happy dont read. you know who you are.

it was a pretty good conversation, and we concluded, if a person lies, maybe he/she has her reasons, but its definitely not a healthy relationship to start with.

was talking to him about it, and straight forward as he is, he told me not to worry, cause if there's anything, he'd tell me and he knows i'd tell him too. which is really comforting to know =)

moving on, i saw the duty roster, i seriously dont get it, she's making the local chinese work on the first day on chinese new year. like WHAT THE HELL, while she gives the PRCs both days off. i dont get it, they need to pay respects to who?!?! not say i want to be bad, but, their families are like 10000000miles away!! we, locals, on the other hand, has to wake up in the morning and get our parents blessings, then moving on to the cemetries to pay respect to our dearly deceased. arghhhh, she should go for some course to plan better!! and yes, i am working on CNY's first day, hence the angst. hopefully she does change *crosses fingers*

2009-01-15T00:12:00.003+08:00

So the O levels results are out, so much for not studying, my bro actually got 18 points, how amazing is that?! cept for the fact that he had a 5 for English which leads to the older brother's comment :" eh?! what language you speak at home?? tamil arh?!" (no offence to indians!!)
so there, now its there hair pulling decision of what course to take, everyone's giving their two cents worth, but i seriously feel, he should choose what he really wants to do rather than what people are telling him, because, if he gets into a course that he doesnt like, he may just drop out and who knows, follow the older brother's footsteps. so yea.

i'm officially out of NIVU!. but i heard bad news, daph's being transferred out of our ward to another, and worst of all, they claim giving her 2 weeks notice is considered advanced notice. 2 FREAKING WEEKS...seriously!! sigh, work is gonna be so dull, only left with jac n lijia from our clique..which really sucks..sigh..oh wells...night duty so far's alright, first time doing outside after what, 3 months in NIVU..which is a nice feeling to get away from all the alarms ringing off the hook for no rhyme or reason.

2009-01-10T01:04:00.002+08:00

When you get 1 measly day off, what would you do??

What i usually do, jam pack my day to make sure its well spent. However, what happens if you have a superior who says one thing but does another?? meaning, she always says, "girls, you're supposed to plan your stuff according to your schedule!" when we have something that came up suddenly and that we needed to change shift. while she on the other hand, doesnt usually give us our request, but on the other hand, changes our day off at random just so she has enough staff, and she doesnt care if you already had your day plan.

i still remembered being called back for afternoon duty at 11am!! she was insistent that i come back, but i told her i was already at sentosa (which was the truth by the way), she didnt sound too happy but ya. i mean, i cant help it if i have a life outside work, unlike her!!!!!

so anyway, she officially screwed up the entire of this week. had initially planned to go to ECP with gen on tues, but she had to call me back cause she didnt schedule enough staff(and that was my problem how???) so fine, she offered sunday day off in exchange. Then come thurs, she tells me, she needs me to come back on sun while my day off's on sat!! like seriously?! and because of that, i had to cancel out on gen TWICE!! that is so annoying. arghhh

anyhow, about a totally different thing altogether. stop asking me things. i dont want to bother. its just becomes such a burden. its your own problem, why make it ours?? its not as if they're not ashamed as it is, so if you could, PLEASE tell them yourselves.

sighh, pretty down in the dumps, but i think i'll get through it.

2009-01-04T20:07:00.005+08:00

Ok, I have never felt this afraid to go to work. I had to see the dr today cause of a massive headache accompanied with some nausea. Got an mc, told daph to inform sister. And my sister, being the sarcastic woman she is, said that, why is it that both of us have the almost perfect kinda roster, yet we still take mc. Hello!! its not like i can control when i fall sick and when not too right?! Gonna drag my feet to work tomorrow and face the music, who knows, she may be a mad woman and ask me to sign a PIP. but oh wells, shall try to live with it for another 1 and a half years.

Anyways, headed to see russ for abit with the rest. Took a leisurely drive to marina barrage with karen n kenneth (i just realised we're all 'K's) haha..let kenn take the wheels and he drove us safely into the barrage, and he parked! =) haha..not bad kenn!! i'm waiting for my turn!!!

we felt all tourist-y and the breeze was madness, it was so cold, thanks russ for lending us your jackets!we'll go back there one day aite!! haha, took photos and took in the sights, headed to the roof top, really nice view. The wind was so strong, we felt like we were flying or some sort.

The Barrage (roof view)

Us acting all tourist-y( Jackets compliments of russ)

The Barrage
Huddling to keep warm

I thought it was a pool. (No it's not, dont really know whats it though)
The wind is THAT strong ( see the way kenn's shirt is flying)
Don't Jump!!
We raced down this path, loser buys teh!
The roof top

Ok, i have recieved my side of the credit card bill, I'm $1000 in debt. have to pay my dad. Don't ask, it was christmas.

The HIGH younger brother

2009-01-03T04:14:00.003+08:00

So its my older brother's birthday yesterday, pretty eventful considering what happened at the stroke of midnight, and i have videos to show. Its really funny to see your older bro and his 2 other buddies play around. And i'm convined after yesterday night, that one of his friends is into "xiao mei meis" if you get my drift.

Headed out at like 3-ish, dropped by to see russ if he was alright, headed down to yassin's to fetch the brothers. my younger bro, is HILARIOUS when he is high, i wonder what he's like if he's like totally drunk! hahaha...that would be quite a sight! We were casually taking about peranakan dishes and how we missed our paternal grandmother's cooking, when my kor said something about our grandmothers (both sides) when des replied something really stupid, he was like..which grandmother?? and we both replied : how many grandmas do we have alive?! and on the way back home, he was rambling on about how stupid it is for people to head back to school and all, just that he was mumbling incoherently, we told him to shut up. Then it was my turn to get jagged by them, i stupidly replied him saying : its freaking december, who the hell goes to school?! and the they just started laughin at me saying its January already...sighhhhhh...

I'd love to have conversations with my younger bro when he's high or drunk, i'd like to see what other nonsensical stuff that he will say. That, would be very interesting. HAHAH

2009-01-01T15:52:00.002+08:00

Ok...correct that sentence of only 1 death, at 6am, just when we were getting ready to end our shift and passover to the morning shift, a patient collapsed! it was so sudden! 1 moment she was snoring loudly, blood pressure was recordable, the next moment she just went into a silent cardiac arrest!! And the worst part of it, she was a really cute old lady, always walking around with her jacket in one hand and her walking stick in the other, past 2 nights, she kept saying she wanted to go home. we had no choice but to restrain her as we were afraid she may fall or just wander off. Sigh, this was really unexpected, CPR was commenced for a good whole 30 mins but to no avail.

was talking to chris about it, indeed, what a way to usher in the new year..=(

Hopefully the entire year would be a good one!!!

2009-01-01T02:49:00.006+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

This year, i spent my "count down" in TTSH. Not the most pleasant place to be as i had a gut feeling that someone mya just pass on at the stroke of midnight. I should start taking my gut feelings seriously from today! So yes, someone indeed went asystole at around 0020hrs, not exactly midnight but close enough. Its one thing if the family can accept his death, its another if they can't. And this family could. He's really old and ill, and the family was grateful to us for taking care of him. Its times like these that makes us, nurses, feel that what we do is meaningful. Some relatives will just rant at us, shout at us for minor things, just because they think they're a lawyer or someone of a high rank. It doesn't matter to me if you're highly paid or of high ranking status, because I do not recieve my wages from you!

What happens when a loved one has lost someone close to them, how are we supposed to react?? I may be a nurse, and to some, death is a normal routine thing for me to see. However, that does not mean that i'm devoid of feelings or emotions whatsoever. And when something like that happens to someone I love, i'm dumbfounded, lost for words. I don't know what to say that will make you feel better, cause I do know it will take some time before one can accept the fact that a loved one is gone. And when you keep saying you're ok, it hurts to hear that over and over again, because I know you're not. Just so you know, you can always fall back on us when you need someone aight!

I remember having a casual conversation with afew friends before, all of whom do not have medical or nursing background. We touched on the topic of death, and like what and how we nurses go about doing what we're supposed to do when it happens. And probably its the way that I put it, that they commented that i was very "leng ku wu qing" something along the lines of being unfeeling and heartless. When in fact, its the exact opposite. Its just that I'm not good with this, as much as its almost a norm to me, I still find it difficult to comfort a grieving relative cause, I don't know the right words to say or whatever.

Oh wells, its a pretty "dark" thing to blog on new years. But its the only time I've got now cause, I'm quite bored right now. Haha, though its full house in the NIVU, all my 4 patients are pretty much stable =)

Moving on, I'm so grateful to char and ken for making it down to find me!! I honestly wasn't expecting anyone to come cause like I know everyone has their own plans and what not. Thanks guys for coming all the way down just to spend that little 20-30 mins with me!! *HUGS*

2008-12-28T22:02:00.003+08:00

Apple and Pear with Pork Ribs Soup
Bangers and Mash

Cajun fish

The Dinner Spread

Surprise, surprise!
So Sneaky Chalene was asking us what would be the one dish that we could eat for the rest of our live and not get sick of it. Mine was Boon Tiong Kee chicken rice, Ren's was the soup featured above, Kenneth's was masala chicken from Samy's( forgot to take picture of it) Russ's was che bee hoon from whampoa. But well, she was unable to get russ's and mine but its ok, the prawn(didnt take picture again) and the dory fish made up for it, as well as the banger's and mash for russ. Haha. Yes, Char cooked most of the dishes for dinner which was great! =) good work char! After dinner, headed to russ's where all of us just slacked till late.

Till late was not that late as compared to my other late nights, but lack of sleep took its toll on me, hence i was not able to meet shawn for brekkie as well as not attending mass. terrible i know! headed to bro's hotel for dim sum lunch. AWKWARD!!! thank goodness for baby ashton's presence, if not, i think it'll just be a silent lunch.

Anyways..working night this week, sigh, everyone's out celebrating while i'm stuck at work!! bleah. and on my sleeping day, 1st of jan, my relatives are coming over for potluck lunch! oh gawd, i'm sooo gonna be deprieved of sleep. anyone willing to lend me their room for 8hours of undisturbed sleep?!?!? hahah

2008-12-27T13:25:00.002+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Christmas came and went by so fast. New Year's coming up and i have to work, bummer but oh wells, if I dont, who's gonna take care of the sick right?! heheh

So midnight mass was really good, though i wasnt really paying much of attention as i was so hyped up for whatever's gonna happen after mass. HAHA. Met up with gen at her place, did our hair and makeup, felt just like old times =) her bf, mark, came over, drove us to church. After mass, it was just a whole load of screaming "Merry Christmas" to everyone, smothering everyone with hugs , exhanging of gifts, and of course, a whole load of cam-whoring, nothing new about that.

Headed to ben chen's after that, slacked abit, then headed to Ashton's place. Oh goodness me, when i saw aunty Francis pouring a shot for me and said its christmas and i have to have a shot with her, I thought to myself, die la!! I literally died. Russ dropped me off, i died the moment i stepped into my room, it was that bad. got awoken by little bro at 10 freaking am to open presents (family routine, opening of present together) after that, headed to Uncle's place for lunch..slept the entire way there, after lunch, slept again, hahaha.

Caught twilight at night, not too bad though, Russ didnt really enjoy it, oh wells, i dont really care. hahaha, the vampire called james, ahh, his body..WOW =D. Had 3 freaking hours of sleep, headed to work, found out that daph took mc, and according to sister, i'm the more senior one at work so i had to be overall incharge as well as in charge of my high dependency. which made me really pissed off cause faith is almost a year old at work and she should be able to take the role of an incharge(i took incharge when i was 3 months old). So i was basically running around like a mad woman..argh!

slept all the way till 8-ish, had dinner, headed to yassin's to meet ren for teh. we kinda figured, we shall not say meet for teh anymore, its meet up for papadams and fish curry, 5 packets of it, awesome.

2008-12-23T00:39:00.002+08:00

OMG..i just realised everytime I go shopping, I'm always the one coming home with a billion bags, or at least for this christmas period. Good gawd, it is utter madness all right. So I went shopping with Karen at VIVO. I think we should leave TOYS-R-US to the kids, we seriously do NOT belong there. What would you think of two young adults gushing over Mr Potato Head?!?!?! And why is it that 2 guys were in charge of maternity wear(plus they looked gay) and one of them was like telling me that non pregnant people could wear them too. saw 1 top that's really gorgeous, but if mom sees the tag, she'd be like, "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!" haha..so yea..shant risk unneccesary arguments and what not

Headed to yassins for sum teh. And we got pranked, but in a good way =D Shocked we were, but happy!

Went to shop for last minute gifts. i still have a few outstanding gifts!! and i have no idea what to get!! arghh..i think i have officially spent almost $600 on presents.Lucky thing i'm sharing. arghh, m just thinking of the statement of account that will arrive on my dad's table!! i so have to clear all the christmas debts if not he'll KILL me man!! used his card to swipe like almost everybody's present.

Tomorrow, shall head down to PS to buy the last of the gifts and wrap all of them. Gah, i hate last minutes, but too bad for having shift work =(

I LOVE MR POTATO HEAD =DD

2008-12-18T00:28:00.004+08:00

Christmas is coming, yet somehow, i'm not hyped up about it. Maybe its because things changed. It no longer seems the way it used to be. Everyone's grown up and going their seperate ways.

Had a talk with the UNO regarding the incident at work, turns out, we 3 have to face a board of panel from MOH and answer questions and what not. Sigh, and sister is just out to get me. Seriously..performing for the xmas party is not a mattre of life and death. Yes, you did reminded me repeatedly that i'm involved, but had I not REPEATEDLY tell you the same thing that i'm not interested at all?? So the more you force me to do something that is against my wishes, the more I'd rebel. So you have no right to say that you reminded me, because i too had told you that i refuse, if my words fell on deaf ears, well, so did yours.

2008-12-16T23:48:00.002+08:00

Just ended my round of night, 2 books in 3 nights, amazing, i was that free, well with 2 patients, aint that bad, though by the third night, i kinda died, too drained of energy. haha

went shopping with the brothers, i should drag them along more often, they're pretty good "consultants" when it comes to clothes, hmmm... so anyway, i came back yesterday to an empty cage, fudgy went for a vacation to di jie's place. haha...heard he's shedding over at her place and her dad's not too happy about it since he's the one who does the chores at home.

met up with gen for shopping, went to get our brows done too, managed to get almost everyone's present, so not too bad. it felt like old times, and i missed those!! sorry had to drag you to like lacoste to get my presents and making your boyfriend wait for me too!! cabbed home as i was carrying wayyy too many bags. thank goodness i met my younger bro on the way to help me with stuffs. $15 for cab fare..oh gawd!! but practicality and comfort over saving money. seriously, if i took a bus, the person next to me wont be very happy, hahah, wayy to many bags already.

Arghh...too many things happening now, both good and bad. one night, too many things to take in, twice this is happening. Am trying to deal with it. Talked to B about it, B says i'm the epitome of thinking to much..seriously, got such thing one meh? but that being aside, i know there are some things you cant help me with, that you can only listen, and i'm pretty much glad for that.B says i shouldnt do this to myself, but, i cant help but think, about work, about the bro, about her, about him.

As much as i dont want to think about the last 2 mentioned, it just plagues me. With her: i know i need to settle stuff, but her being her, everything must be her way, she's always right. yes, friends for years, but its not the quantity, its the quality. as much as i want to settle, i dont know where to start. With him: i'm pissed. pissed with what he did.pissed with his thinking. nothing can erase the past. If you're not happy about it, i'm sorry, but everyone has a past. deal with it. i'm not picking a fight, but seriously, the way you put it across, its like it didnt matter to you. thats why i'm pissed. pissed at not only you, but at myself.

i dont want this emotional baggage, i want to get rid of it, or at least clear it before 2009. so that it'll be a new beginning. a new start. like a new start with my prodigal friend, haha.Yes, things happen and change over time, but at times, some things just remain the same.

2008-12-11T00:25:00.002+08:00

=D

Alright, so these few days have been good, fruitful in a way. Except for the fact that patches have finally took her last breath after struggling for so many years. pretty old, and i miss her =( boo..but i think fudgy misses her alot, when we let him out to run, he always tries to run to brownie's cage to see if like, she's there, sigh, poor boy!!

And I've been looking forward to something and when the day drew nearer, i got alil afraid of the outcome, like would it be awkward or anything bad, but, i'm glad it turned out fine=) i miss the times where 6 of us would just meet up just because. like there wasnt much of a reason why we should, but just because we wanted too.

Xmas week's roster is out...argh!!! i'm like on morning shift on boxing day, its madness!! how to enjoy xmas knowing you have to come back to work at 7 in the morning the net day?!?! bleah. and morning shift on eve, alright though, kinda requested it that way so as to be "nice" abit and not too demanding on day offs. but well, she still owe's me my ph for hari raya, trying to find a day to claim!!!

Night duty coming up, weekend nights, hopefully more $$$$ heard this year end bonus is damn sucky. bleah

2008-11-30T16:10:00.002+08:00

UNPRODUCTIVE!!!

Thats how my annual leave was, coming home at wee hours of the morning and leaving the house late at night, i'm so a night owl, which is not good!! terrible!! spent most afternoons lazing away infront of the tv and just basically leading the life of a couch potato!!

Went grocery shopping on friday with russ and ken for ingredients for russ's lunch on sat which he cooked from scratch and is oh-so-awesome. Pasta de hi xian(seafood pasta in other words). This is the first time i'm eating pasta where the ingredients is more than the pasta! the squid, clams, prawns and mushrooms. plus, its creamy but not to the extent whereby the more you eat the more "jelat" it becomes. Headed to Ren's at BOON KENG!! to help shift abit of items (technically i went there and just watch the guys do the work..hahaha) watched abit of Scrooge which was filmed in church years back. hahahahahah.

arghhh, i dont want to head back to work. And the worse, i'm on the most dreaded P.A.P.A shift, sucks, it'll totally screw up a person's body clock, but then again, after all those late nights, i dont think i have a body clock anymore...

Christmas is coming, shopping galore, i cant wait ! =)

2008-11-26T12:03:00.003+08:00

I like the feel of your name on my lips
And I like the sound of your sweet gentle kiss
The way that your fingers run through my hair
And how your scent lingers even when you're not there
And I like the way your eyes dance when you laugh
...

You're a godsent. Right place, right time, i'm contented, i couldnt have been happier =)

Am on my annual leave!!! yay!! finally i can just relax, sleep late, wake up late, go out late with not a single worry =) met up with my aunt and uncle who flew down from Aussie, told them that Audrey and myself were thinking of heading there next year for a short trip, and they offered their place to let us stay, really sweet of them, but then again, gotta think of monetary matters, bleah.

December's coming, so many things on, Siti's engagement, gen's homecoming, christmas, and then its 2009. I just hope, that things will work out between us after the talk, though we both know we're not be close like last time. Come back soon=)

KAREN..oh man..counting down..saturday is coming!!! you're finally back..i'm sure yassin's will welcome you with open arms! =P supper buddy is back..yayness..

2008-11-22T23:47:00.002+08:00

Its times like these, that i feel satisfaction in my job, to know that i've made an impact in someone's life. So much so that, a patient who has passed away months ago, her daughter returned to show her gratitude. She came and waited till i was done with my stuff, and gave me a handmade rose, to others, it may just be another gift of thanks and blah blah blah. But to me, this meant alot, it gave me the strength, even if a little bit, to know that no matter what setbacks that occur, life still goes on.

This is the girl, who at 16, had lost her mother to lung cancer within only a month. She's the girl who remained strong, stood by her mother every single day, encouraging her to eat her meds, so that she could get well and return home. But we all knew that would never happen, her prognosis wasn't good, she was up to stage 4 already. I was around when i heard her screaming," mommy don't go, you promise me you'll come home with me" it was a heart wrenching scene for me and afew other fellow colleagues, those with children teared, the rest of us tried to avoid each others eyes, cause everyone had grown attached, in a way, to that family, and was afraid that we might just trigger each other to cry.

So when she appeared infront of me today, bright and cheery eyed, no one would have known, this is the girl who lost her mother (they were close and parents are divorced). And when she said thank you for everything, and the bear ( we gave her one at the wake), I was lost for words, i have no idea what to say, cause if it were me, i would have plunged into major depression, i wouldnt have the strength to carry on...

2008-11-22T11:37:00.002+08:00

I guess that I'm just falling deeper into something I've never known.
But the way that I'm feeling, makes me realize that it can't be wrong.
You're love's like a summer rain, washing my doubts away.

Woke up with a massive headache, thats what happens when you sleep the entire day off away! haha, was pretty tired, kinda needed to recuperate from the mad rush of the day before. Too bad its back to work during the weekends..oh sighhhhh

M feeling high in the sky right now, I don't know if this is what people call "on cloud nine." I wonder if it were all a dream. That whatever happened was not a figment of my imagination.

Anyways, am in a crisis right now. i wish it would just all diappear. I dont want to be the strong one anymore. I wish i can just breakdown infront of all of you. I dislike her, a woman with no self worth, no respect, no dignity. i wish you'd never entered our lives at all. Eversince the day you came, our lives has become so chaotic. No longer having what we used to have. You're the reason why they have sleepless night, you're the reason why the younger ones get the shit of it. I wished you'd just go away, stop causing problems for us. We have enough as it is, we dont need another burden. JUST LEAVE...

argh...

2008-11-19T16:04:00.004+08:00

Why do I keep running from the truth
All I ever think about is you,
You got me hypnotized,so mesmerized
And I just got to know

Do you ever think, when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this can go
Am I crazy, or falling in love
Is it really just another crush?

CONGRATS ken!! haha..yay, now all you have to do is convince your brother that you're capable and a safe enough driver so that you can drive us around soon!! That way, we'll take turns to drive each other around haha..

argh, this week so super slow moving! i just cant wait for next week when it'll be my annual leave!! and then its closer to christmas..which is a bad time, i really secretly hope this year's year end bonus would be a HUGE one, then at least i can spluge abit on the family and myself of course! hah!

went to work on monday, saw my patient who's off BIPAP already and only on nasal cannula, and when she saw me, she was all smiles and said in hokkien " missy, where have you been?? i've been looking for you the past few days, you resting is it?" so i replied her that i was off and she carried on to say that she was sorry for causing so much problems when she was on the BIPAP, cause it was really uncomfortable and all and to add on, she was NBM (nil by mouth) and her mouth was really dry and she couldnt take it, hence she kept trying to pull the mask off. ahhhh...i felt so bad after that, cause i can vividly remember scolding her at night for continuously trying to pull out the mask when her breathing wasnt stablised yet. so i told her its alright and she held my hand so tightly after that and her face showed gratitude.

i just realised, how much i do love my job. which was something that ,( i admit)initially, i was actually ashamed of telling people what i was doing. cause everyone's perception of nursing is that its a dirty job, that we only changed diapers and stuff like that, but i guess, some people just cant see past the dirty diapers and urinals. the satisfaction gained when you see a really ill person leaving the ward, all recovered and looking very healthy, just makes me feel really contented.

been pretty pre-occupied lately with lotsa stuffs. and i'm really glad to have a night owl to accompany me and to listen. haha..really sorry to have caused you so many late nights!! but i really appreciate it loads! =D..you have NO IDEA how LOW i was that night..arghh..oh wells...

KAREN WONG!!! 2 WEEKS!! 2 MORE WEEKS and you'll no longer take an hour to get to town anymore!! you can leave your house at 1240 and still reach town by 1300!! hahaha..and once you're back..YASSINS it is... =)

2008-11-13T05:14:00.002+08:00

I don't want to think.
But what can I do,
When subconciously,
You always drift into my mind???

Just a message at the beginning of the day
Or just a simple "how's your day?"
Would bring a smile to my face
And all the stress would just disappear even for awhile.

An idle mind is indeed a devil's workshop.
It gets you thinking about things
I don't want to think
I just ....

Anyway, my new laptop's speaker is giving probs, sighh=(
Mummy's birthday dinner plus parents anniversary dinner,
Big bro and I have planned for a really good dinner (abit high class can! better be worth the 300bucks!) plus a hired bently(is that how you spell it??) cab to chauffer them around.
Sigh..i'm going broke soon, hopefully bonus comes in before Christmas.

Work's mentally draining. Not a very productive night cause I forgot to bring a book to read, and I'm bored!! sigh, oh wells another 2 more hours, jia you!! =)

2008-11-12T01:30:00.002+08:00

Blogging at this ungodly hour can only mean afew things.

1) kristine is bored and is on afternoon shift/ day off the following day
2)Havin a bad case of insomnia and can't sleep
3) Is on freaking night duty AGAIN

having listed all that, its quite obvious which it is. But its alright i guess, considering i get the weekends off as opposed to the pathetic 1 day off per week, which technically sucks cause at times, one can be off on a monday and the next off is the following sunday, that is extremely tiring!

so anyway, tonight's worse than yesterday, every single one of my patients seems to have gone bonkers!! everyone's non compliant to the masks, 1 of them is attempting to climb out of bed when she thinks i'm not looking, hence i'm seated right infront of her. haha. the other one is bargaining with me to remove her mask promptly at 6am, obviously i'm not in control here, it depends on how early leslie (YES! he's back!!) decides to come and take her bloods. the other, well, his alarm just rings for the sake of ringing..argh.

and i got taken for a joy ride this morning by a taxi driver who argued with me that it'll take a longer time to get home via the CTE, and that goin through farrer park/ little india was a faster choice. SERIOUSLY?!?! so i made noise and was extremely unhappy (i'm tired, i have been awake since 9pm, i am irritable at this point of time) then when he made a turn to boon keng area, he was like, oh ya, CTE faster, sorry ar, i charge you lesser. well, he had better, if not i sure will complain!

on a lighter note, i've gotten into SIM for my degree, so much for worrying yea. I'm just wondering how i'm gonna juggle work, school and social life. oh wells, everyone needs to upgrade themselves yea?! gahhh.. i need proper sleep, after night duty, going home, all i hear is construction as well as the alarms( from NIVU)..sighhhhhh

2008-11-09T03:24:00.002+08:00

Met Kenn in the noon, headed to anchorpoint and queensway to meet ren, had a good lunch at xin wang, shopped alittle at both places, cabbed down to borders cafe to chill, went to wisma bought some stuffs, cabbed home to wait for the car. Drove down to kev's place. Nearly got fined cause we thought we were parking on double yellow lines, we(russ and 1) like swapped keys and ran to cars to see if we had gotten a ticket, reason why he tok mine was so if i had to shift, he could just drive around and get a new parking space i think, as for him passing me his keys, I don't know what i'm supposed to do man..haha..for starters, I do not have a manual license, haha and i seriously sucked at parallel parking that russ had to help when we got there. Gahhh.. my da should just stop buying big cars, though i seriously love the feel of the Vitera!

Gist of Kevin's party, everyone was busy with the PS3( I think its 3) Rock band, its kinda cool, "drum sets"," guitar", and mike to go along, haha..Ian owned la, he is an all rounder can! haha. Bought the birthday boy a pair of drum sticks and a triangle to match his ROCKSTAR theme. Ling Jun had a session of "suan ming" and sceptic as i was, i tried, and OH MY GOODNESs..it was quite true for most of us, so we still didnt believe, we did it a 2nd time...even closer to the truth. We then decided to try 1 last time to see, but this time we all used a different person, it still came true, scary as it may sound, but i totally believe it can! Oh wells, pictures up on facebook! =)

2008-11-08T01:21:00.003+08:00

We both know that I shouldn't be here
This is wrong
And baby it's killing me, it's killing you
Both of us trying to be strong
...
I know that we'll meet again
Fate has a place and time
So you can get on with your life
I've got to be cruel to be kind
...
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye
And tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry
...

Not feeling very "up" in recent days, trying to find the root cause, or at least whatever that's causing all this mixed up emotions/ frustrations, maybe i do know what exactly it is, but i choose to run away and hide from it. I wish i could find a secret sanctuary, where i can just leave the real world, even if for a short while, and let me escape.

I'm not ok, i try to be, i act like i am, but i'm not. And that is what that frustrates me. I wish, how i wish, that one day, it'll all go away.

bumped into sister lay hoon the other day, she looked so happy to see me and kept asking me how school was, when i burst her bubble, saying i was still awaiting their response, she looked so disappointed, like as though she had high hope pinned on me. I don't like it, when someone places hope in me, cause i fear that i may let them down. She was the same person who did not think twice in transferring me to TTSH main building when i did my PRCP in CDC and told her it was too mundane for me, and i wanted something more fast paced. She was the same person who met up with me after my probation period and said she's proud of me as she's recieved alot of good reviews about my working attitude. So, when i saw that sad look on her, i felt crushed.

The worst thing, the prospect of me studying even if I did get in, seems pretty grim. Financial issues are always the bane of my life. But who am i to complain when there are people who are worst off them i am?! Shall try to stay positive.

i just finished night duty last week, and i'm on night again..4 nights this time round. I swear, my body clock knows not night or day anymore. It's pretty screwed up that when i want to sleep, i just end up tossing and turning in bed. But plus side, hopefully dad gets off and we can go for a short trip up to KL =)

Oh yea..dad's got a new car..Suzuki Grand Vitera, it is freaking HUGE, I feel like i'm on top of the world when i'm driving can...small girl in a huge ass car..hmmmm..haha..but the power..ahh...AWESOME =D

Weekends are here, mer's and kev's party..aiyoo..pocket 1 big hole already =(

Self Indulgence

2008-10-29T21:42:00.003+08:00

Self Pampering/ indulgence,
Smooth heels and pretty toes,
No nut choc.chips, choc chips macadamia,
Fighting temptations and evil
Having "the lard brothers in my mouth" (quote-unquote a certain ms wong)
Overpriced prawn noodles and Fish soup
Cloudy apple and choc cream frappe
It so works for a bad week,
I hearts..

It was a good day...took my mind off things for awhile.. missing was only a good massage for such a day of self pampering and indulgence..and to top it off..we didnt shop..what a miracle i tell you, temptations like women's secret, La Senza, Mphosis and what not..we held fast to our goal today...which is not to shop..haha..it was quite hilarious though during dinner..and we kind of realised that we were very lazy today..we just kept looking for places to sit down..haha..first was KFC for lunch, EO beauty for brows, Garcia for pedi, Food republic for dinner and Starbucks for drinks..gosh..we're so lazy...

Another round of night duty..I just finished 1 last week, that woman is crazy. She doesn't know how to schedule. ARGHHH..

2008-10-25T12:13:00.004+08:00

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear,
For I wear a mask, I wear a thousand masks.
Masks that I am afraid to take off.
But none of them are me.
But don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I am secure,
That all is sunny and unruffled with me,
Within as well as without,
That confidence is my name and coolness my game,
And that I need no one,
Don't believe me, Please!

My surface may be smooth,
But my surface is my mask,
My vaying and ever concealing mask.
Beneath lies no smugness,
No complacence.
Beneath dwells the real me,
In confusion and fear,
In loneliness.

I idly chatter with you in the suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
Of what's crying within me.
So, when I'm going through my routine,
Please don't be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully, and try to hear what I'm not saying,
And what I'd like to be able to say,
What for survival I need to say,
But what I can't say.

Only you can call me into aliveness,
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
Each time you try to understand because you really care,
My heart begins to grow wings.
Very small wings, very feeble wings, but wings.

With your sympathy and sensitivity,
And your power of understanding,
You can breathe life into me,
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
How you can be a creator of the person that is me if you choose to.
Please choose to.
Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
My long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach me, the blinder I may strike back.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for,
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls,
In this lies my hope.
My only hope.

Who am I, you may wonder.
I am someone you know very well,
I am a hurting member of your family,
I am the hurting person sitting beside you in this room,
I am every person you meet on the street.
Please don't believe my mask,
Please come behind it to glimpse the real me.
Please speak to me, share a little of yourself with me,
At least recognize me.
Please ...
Because You Care.

Author Unknown

its better to be asleep than awake,
cause thats where your mind wonders to another universe,
where you think of the what ifs and what could have beens,
where dreams are far more better than reality.
Cause when you wake up, reality's a bitch.

I cant help but wonder if what some people say is true,
that when you hit the big 21..
everything just goes downhill from there??

setback after setback,
there's only so much that one can stand,
i wonder when all these will end and that it'll be smooth sailing.

30 years from now,
Sitting on a rocking chair,
with 20000 cats purring at my feet,
throw in some knitting,
picture perfect

Works's a bitch..she's terminating people who can function well, but keeping people who cant even do simple things and have to ask a billion times about the same stuff,seriously now..how do you expect the ward to function properly if you have people like these?? and you..so what if you've been promoted to a P.A.N??? you dont even do your job..you're able bodied yet you want to get pregnant staff to do things..do you have any compassion at all???if you dont..why are you even a nurse for so damn long!?

pardon the rantings and depressive status, just not in the best of moods.

2008-10-23T01:12:00.002+08:00

what looked like its gonna be a bleak day turned out awesome!

met dree wayy early in the morn to have macdonalds breakfast..sausage and eggs mcgriddles is good!! =D especially after not eating it for the longest time...

trained down to habourfront thereafter to meet karen while having a constant update of the weather over at sentosa by russ who was havin National Ed. at fort siloso!! hahahahaha..national ed is soooo secondary school can! haha..

met ren..with chips, roast spring chicken and water...off we went to sentosa..that girl ar..no faith lar! tell you wont rain dont believe..tsktsk.. sat at our shady spot under/ near a coconut tree..talking about life, future, and the going ons in our life..headed to the luge..fucking skyride thingy had to slow down at the peak?? of it...blardy hell..i was gripping onto the handles for dear life..while responding to ren's conversation in 1 word/sound..eg, yes..um..uhhuh...yes..i was petrified..luge down..was awesome..we overtook a jap school student who had troubles with it..haha.. showered..then headed back to vivo.. window shopped abit..we(or rather karen..haha) had to fight temptation from entering la senza..she actually pointed at it and shouted to me.."POISON!!" hahahah... headed to ben and Jerry's for delightful ice cream..she had heaven in her cup..i had marble cake..hahah..just go check out their flavours and you'd understand =D met russ..chilled alil at seah imm...split ways..got stuck in a massive jam..it was indeed a bumpy car ride..gave russ a heads up that anymore jerky movements and i might just puke in his car..ahaha

its back to work for me tomorrow..hope everything's alright within the ward..mc rate seems to be quite high this month..maybe i should follow the trend??? haha...

2008-10-15T02:24:00.002+08:00

First time on night duty in NIVU...quite alright considering all my patients are pretty stable, save for 1 that's quite non compliant to using the BiPAP machine..argh..so annoying having to keep walking up to silence the alarm.. which reminds me, the other day, my older bro came down to visit a friend, decided to drop by..and the alarms were ringing non stop at that time, and i told him, after every night duty when one goes home to sleep, they can always hear the alarms ringing..haha..yea..it sucks..

its like finally 0230 hrs, meaning in about 6 hrs time i'm off duty..i'm feeling sleepy already cause russ brought supper...teh tarik and hot mushroom cheese prata..awesome i tell you..haha..thanks!!

went for dinner at breko's yesterday with karen and afew others, met russ n kenn after that cause mr png had no dinner..haha..anyways...i think i ate something wrong during dinner, because when i got home.. i started having the runs..arghhh...lucky thing its much better now..if not having to work night duty while sick is so not fun..alright..time to take parameters for patients=(

2008-10-11T23:26:00.002+08:00

After so damn long.. had to take whole team(2 teams) each instead of the usual 3 teams...utter madness..thank goodness it was a saturday and that there aint much changes to do=)..but it was still alil busy..oh wells..supposed to do pm shift..but that zhu tou took mc..so short of staff... then venus called me at 12 freaking am to do am...the end result of it all...2 measly hours of sleep..apparently my body clock's still screwed up...and i cant sleep..sighh..

char!! i'm really really sorry didnt let of the changes!! i owe u dinner aite=) kenn met at my place...bus-ed n train-ed down to kembangan...waited for ren...went to siglap for viet cuisine.. supposed to eat peranakan food..but ren had cravings..so yup...walked to cheesecake cafe for desserts...they're choc. truffle cake's good...peanut butter cheesecake's alright..just..it can get alil "jelat"

sigh..i just cant wait till next weekend..its AYD08 and we're helping out at church, and the best part of it all..I have the whole weekend OFF!!! YAY!! i mean...6 days work...and a random day off...not works i tell you..but its like night duty..so there goes my already screwed up body clock...=(

2008-10-05T12:19:00.003+08:00

YAY!! the long awaited off day is finally here!! the week was pretty alright..tuesday after work..russ fetched..supposed to go to geylang serai to walk walk and eat ramly burger 'cause it being hari raya and all.. but it had to be raining cats n dogs...it not works..went to pick char n kenn up..headed to his place to wait for the rain to die down..finally managed to head down there..it was freaking packed..like sardines in a can...but we finally got to satisfy our(mine actually=P) craving for ramly burger=DD

Friday
met karen kenn n ian for nice egyptian?? food..not bad..got people peel prawn for me..ahahah...thanks kenn!!=D headed to breko's afterwards for drinks 'cause it was freaking hot sitting on the streets of haji lane with no wind/fan/whatsoever..russ came by after that..

Saturday
woke up almost late for work..goodness!! work was alright..NIVU's full house and 2 of them keeps desaturating its pretty scary..'cause that would mean they could collapse anytime..oh wells..went home..napped abit..rushed down to meet kenn for U.D.D.E.R.S/ Ice creamnology...an event organized by char where you make your own ice cream..quite fun and interesting..after that..headed to timbre to meet the rest for dinner and to just chill...GOODFELLAS were playing..and they're good..haha...russ did his thing again on stage...so sexaye..got guy fans leh!! hahah =P ren stayed over cause she wanted to go to st mikes n she bloody lives in BOON LAY for now..

now..i so need to catch up on the zzz monster..and its back to work tomorrow..sighhh...

2008-09-26T21:12:00.003+08:00

Night duty this time round was pretty slack...reason being..out of 3 nights..i only took cases for 1 night..haha..the rest of it i did junior job..in other words...changing of diapers..n i realise..i quite like doing what i do..i love to make sure my patients look and smell good in the morning..but i hate to deal with overbearing relatives...oh wells...

Supposed to have gone for tau huey for supper with russ, but due to unforseen circumstances, we ended up at SGH to visit his grandma (yes..at almost 11pm!! they have no strict security/visiting hours issues!! unlike ttsh..so many protocols and whatnot..bleah)so anyways..i was just observing the nurses and how the work...i have no idea how they know if patients are calling, cause their call bells..well..they don't ring out loud..it just flashes across this sign board overhead..and like..if you dont look up, you wouldnt know if anyone needs help...hmmmmm... and and and...i think i'll die if i worked there...taking parameters is a chore!!! they do not have what we call a dinamap...(its an automated blood pressure reading machine) they use a manual one..that really sucks man!!! okok..shant compare anymore...

alright..so after tt..ended up goin to wan toh sek...YAY..cause i haven been there in a while...and parkings a bitch..but well..aint the driver for the night..hahah...wanted to head to singapore flyer to have a look-see..but the roads have closed for the F1 race already...so we drove home...

ahh..m so hooked on gossip girl...i hearts chace crawford alot..haha...he's damn hot..haha...so i watched till like 4 in the morning (i didnt realise it was THAT late already la!) slept till 1 to meet karen...HAHAHAH..that poor girl is in JURONG now..i left my place at 1.40 knowing she'd still be late =D..turns out..i was still early..haha..went for a nice late lunch...did some self pampering..shopped alil( erm..alot for me=DD..in comparison to her that is)...met ian for dinner...walked abit more..then split ways...

KAREN!! i cant wait for you to be back in boon keng lars...journey home very lonely one hor!! hahah..

oh wells..back to work tomorrow..bummer...

2008-09-20T00:53:00.003+08:00

What happens when something happened early in the wee fucking morning that causes you to think twice about why you had to deal with people dissing your loved ones??and the person you least expected it to have it coming from is someone you know for eons?!? you fucking get pissed and extremely disappointed and that spoils the entire day..totally..

well not exactly..met karen, ian, kenn for dinner at gluttons bay..and ranted..so there..my day wasn't exactly spoilt..they made it better...i hearts you guys..okok..and russ too..though he kinda joined us only for supper..

after dinner..we part ways..ian to a concert, ren, kenn, me to singapore flyer just for fun..went to the yakult rainforeset where ren deliberately pushed kenn into a corner while we ran away..crazy..but who cares=P we were so fascinated by the yakult vending machine..and though it cost 90cents for 1..we still bought :s ..us girls decided to use the ladies on the 2nd floor..this was what happened ->

we walked past kenko foot reflexology and spa..saw the fish spa thingy..got really excited..and dragged kenn..i think he has this effect on us..it was $38 for 30 mins of that fish spa thingy and 10 mins shoulder massage..he said it was expensive, karen n i were too psyched about it we looked at him and said.."we pay for you"...and then..we feed our legs to the fishes..haha..the shoulder massage was awesome..ren and i paid extra 10 for another 10 mins of it..it was oh so pain..but it was the therapeutic kind...

Us with our over-priced yakults

Extremely happy with our buy..=P
at the spa thingy
kenn antisocial..only play with iPhone..
Thanks guys for making what seemed to be a terrible day into a better one..I hearts =D

2008-09-16T00:20:00.002+08:00

Sigh..its back to work after a long week of annual leave...had ecg course...kept nodding off cause i was so freaking tired...but hey...scored 28/30 for the quiz...not bad..haha..

so anyway, the weekend was jam packed with birthday parties and family gathering..thurs ..finally went out of the house and did some shopping..then met ren, ian, kenn for dinner...supper at yassins, russ dropped by..slacked abit..the guys were obsessed w kenn's iPhone game called SPORES..its disgusting by the way...really disgusting looking..bleah

Fri was spent slacking..met ren n ian before char's party..party's real nice..at mint cafe where its also a toy museum..not bad..food was good..so was the company..after that..got a lift home..changed and got driven( like i got ahmad like that hor!) to ren's house for slumber party..played around w her mac photo booth..we're always takin retarded photos when we stay over...i wonder why...anyway...gossip..laughed at old photos..gossiped somemore..

Sat..woke up at 0930..helped ren shift to her bro's house while their current one gets renovated...arghh..no more last min calling her out for supper at yassins..coz her bro's at JURONG!!! sighhh...anyway...kenn n ian joined us...we left about 3..went to meet chris to shop..cabbed to my aunt's new place...i love her super huge wall mirror..got dad to send me down to aud's birthday party at toa payoh...was pretty late...sorry babe!!

Sun..was the chauffer for the day..sent my bros to church's family carnival..sat in the sun..cam whored alil w ren..best of all..it was scorching and non of us had sunblock on nor umbrellas to shield ourselves from those harmful rays..we all went back burnt....went home..showered and got ready for zena's 21st over at SRC...damn glam..and it was a meet up session cause i met like my pri/sec schmates..gosh...

as i was saying..went back to work today..damn sian considering that i was on course...bleah..ended like an hour late..so annoying..rushed down to meet ren at novena..cabbed to siglap for dinner and dessert..russ joined us for dessert..nua-ed around abit..then homebound!..

sigh..off tml then back to work..and this time..i'm in the nivu (non invasive ventilation unit-> basically a 4 bedded icu in a general ward)..i'm so not prepared..and theres just too many machines to handle...4 patients..yea little..but the care and the support machines..not fun..oh wells..

2008-09-12T01:19:00.003+08:00

1 week of annual leave...and i wasn't productive...NOT GOOD!!..sheesh..lazed around the house from mon till wed..cleared my room/ wardrobe/messy table....so not too bad..but i spent the rest of the time watching house/californication/one tree hill/ gossip girls(mark kinda talked about it and now i'm hooked...die la)..so not productive..sigh

went out today with shawn..supposedly to get only my shoes n nothing more..but...temptation took over...i spent like..almost $200 today...i'm gonna be so broke!!..went to vivo..but couldnt find our shoes...spent alot there! met eugene who was workin at haagen daz...we ate like belgian waffles n affogato..n only paid $17..HAHAHA..the price of 3 scp ice cream..i love you la eugene!! haha..trained to heeren to look for shawn's shoes..still cant find..tried to change batteries for my CK watch..the asshole told me to go to wheelock...cheat my feelings!! there wasnt any stores..damn...

bus-ed down to suntec..finally changed batteries...bought a new wheel for moop..yay..now we can all sleep peacefully..shawn accompanied me till karen arrived..walked around with kenneth n ian..went to zara..temptation took over again..sigh...went for dinner...bus-ed to yassins to meet russ for supper..then home...

i'm so packed this weekend..birthday after birthday...tml's char's celebration, day after's dree and sun is my dear zena...i think i'll die..coz sat..b4 that..have to go to my aunt's house warming..and sun..before the party..theres this "huge" family sports carnival...and i kinda have to be there for moral support..haha...oh wells...i pray for strength...i dont wana go back to work...sighh...

2008-08-25T16:25:00.003+08:00

JCI is finally over...such a huge relieve for everyone..and thank goodness..we passed our ward side..the tension was really great on the first day..just stepping foot into the main building itself..you could just feel that everyone is on tippy toes..making sure everything is done correctly..but i'm really glad its all finally over..till next year i think..for another round of re-accreditation..bummer..

anyhows..am on my round of night duty again..and honestly..this is the first time i feel soo lethargic and sleepy..and it doesn't help with the fact that i only have 6 patients on my side!! and an empty cubicle..but i do hope it stays this way till tomorrow morning..after my night is over..haha...

before my round of night started..went to ECP for a cycle with yanbao n angela..i must say it was fun..but having to wait for the rain to stop..plus cycling in the rain to return the bikes..not fun..haha...was hoping to fall sick though..then can call in sick..but too bad..my body decides to remain healthy..hence i have to work..oh wells..the last time i went cycling with daph..also the same..raining and all..but time wasn't wasted..we spent the time waiting for the rain to subside gossiping and cam-whoring..haha...

can't wait till our next trip..this time must call daph and dr kok..haha..that xiao didi..always disturbing me about my patients..now his turn..a previous patient (very difficult one i must say) just came back to our side and is now under his discipline..hahaha...karma la..karma..the last time he laughed at me for sending 2 patients to High Dependency...the following day he had like 3 resus...hahaha...okok..shan't laugh at him..b4 it falls back on me..

tonight last night..hopefully the empty cubicle is still empty..

2008-08-17T18:32:00.003+08:00

yayness..just got back from a well deserved break.. not exactly but yea..having the weekends off to unwind was fantastic...n best of all..it was all for karen..haha..and her BARELY LEGAL TRYST ..dont ask me why she called her party that..

went home after work to drop off my uniform...met ren and her family to get a lift to the most ulu-fied place..haha..reached...unloaded all the stuffs..her parents left in the evening..and it was just the 2 of us..hahah..the funniest thing was..when we stood there at the main door waving bye to her parents..we both felt as if we were a bunch of lesbians moving in together..haha..it was quite funny..went for a dip in the pool...(i so miss swimming =( must look for pple to go with me already..haha) after that..took a nice slow stroll to downtown east, took a cab to white sands coz we were too tired n hungry from the swim..met ian at sakae for dinner...merlynn joined thereafter..cabbed back to the terrace..nua-ed n watched the olympics (coz there was perpetually NOTHING on tv)..slpt ard 2 ish..middle of the nite..got a call frm ren sounding so pathetic..haha..n opened the door..we see her with blanket n pillow in arms..askin to join me n mer coz ian left..hahaha...like small kid..

day 2..slpt till 9 ish..nua-ed infront of the tv n watch micheal phelps...n had mac delivery for breakkie...ren n i went for a dip..came back, her parents arrived and started arranging the place..mer n i nua-ed in the room while ren's relatives started streaming in slowly..aft tt went to downtown east for lunch..omg..we relieved our childhood can..spent $30 at arcade..terrible man..we played till our arms were aching..went back ard 4 ish n the party begins!!

eat drink n made merry..haha..met sum of ren's frens..too bad russ not in town..went fishing..tt ass..haha..n kenneth came late!! we conspired with mervin (ren's bro) to push her into the pool..haha..ian n colin also got pushed in..continued partying..realised we're out of mixers..no one wanted to go buy..colin then lent me his car..a BIG ASS hyundai tucson..yes..me a small lil thing in tt huge ass car..i tell u..i feel so powerful..hahaha..4 gals in tt car..when i drove..like every1 was juz staring at us..haha..n victor claims the car is called "tuck-son" n not "tu-son"..haha..

so while the rest were playin poker n mj..me candy colin n ashley headed to the pool for a nite dip..it was nice..juz chattin n swimmin again..haha..then kena chased away by the caretaker..sian..then me candy sera ashley mer n victor juz nua-ed in the room w the lights off..haha..till every1 left.. it was nice..haha

checked out at 9.45..utter madness i tell u..kev drove 7 of us to mac for brekkie..then me victor n ren shared cab hme..slpt till 6-ish..arghh..tml's the freaking audit..n i dunno wad to do..m freaking out...

2008-08-06T23:08:00.004+08:00

ytd went for dinner w sam will n glen at sum mongolian buffet thingy at park mall..we ate so much..but this is the first time i heard will said .." i'm full..reached da limit already" ..yes..shocker..hahah...

today..was shiok..it was the best day i had so far..it was so impromptu..so random..but it made my day=) went to sentosa aft only 5 mins of deciding..haha..n on a wk day summore..fantastic..no crowd..no queues for toilets... so yea..karen n i went to sentosa...sat under a shady coconut tree (not really act)...n juz chat...chat abt boys..abt life..basically almoz everything...n it felt gd..to juz sit there..bask in the sun w her..we kinda did smthg i nv thot i'd do..hahah..fucking funny..n the response frm it..was da best..THE BEST...ahahah... so aft tt..dinner at food republic n then..SHOPPING...

i m so positive my thots of saving this mth's bonus aint gonna succeed w my incessant shopping..yup..went to la senza..bought stuff...gonna go back again..gonna bring mom there coz she kept sayin i shld buy her smthg..(yea i noe.buyin lingerie for moms is wierd..but she's always saying my bra nice to touch..hahahaha)..went to Forever 21..spent 100 there..not too bad considerin it was forever21..

then i got a freaking call frm ward sister sayin theres lapses in my report n i needed to go down to amend it coz audit's like tml morn...i thot it was smthg big..turns out it was juz a simle thing or writing a "N" for BNO n like 4H for da parameters section..WAD THE FUCK!!!..i was so pissed coz lil things like these..we always help 1 ant..but tt bitch ass of an SSN(who by the way..in everybody's opinion..did not deserve tt promotion..but only coz she sucks up to sister)had to flag it n make me come all the way down juz for that..i was peeved ..

anyways..while there..there's this particular pt tt i've been lookin aft for abt 1 mth plus...she's really young..as in like..40+ is considered young..n when she was admitted..she thot it was juz a severe case of pneumonia, whrby eating antibiotics wld cure..but then..aft a series of test..it confirmed her worst fear...the deadly cancer..n worst of all..it was stage 5...i watched her frm comin in to the ward being a real bitch..to sum1 i actually sympathise w...she went frm bein over demanding...to depressed beyond words...she literally wasted her last days away...n wad brought tears to my eyes then..was the fact that..she was divorced w 2 kids..the youngest is only my lil bro's age..oldest is in poly...n that those 2 gals..every day..everynite..was there by her side...supporting her..but she juz din seem to make any effort to even listen..till 1 day when i was on nite..i persuaded her to eat her meds to no avail..then i asked her dg who in turn retorted "aiya..dun care abt her la..she dosen wana eat then its her prob!" n then i realised..her kids were breaking down..they haf no idea wad to do anymore..n she isnt even helpin herself...

when i went back for tt stupid amendment..i saw them outside..crying unconsolably..n i heard the e-trolley sound..n i knew...my ward clerk was tearing la...it was pretty much a sad scene..daddy fetched me hme..told him abt it..n he was like..so poor thing..thruout the car ride hme..i juz thot..if anything were to happen to either of my parents..i'd b devasted..i mean..i noe tts how every1 will feel..but just..this scene is really heartbreaking..i mean..i haf my mom n dad..these gals dad is nonexistent?? n now..their mom is gone..sigh...i kinda felt like giving my mom a great big hug n tell her i love her..but..i think she'll prob think i did smthg really bad..haha..but yea..mayb i shld..bcoz..not being cynical or cursing my parents but..its juz tt..being in this line..i haf seen alot..ALOT of unexpected deaths..n its really hard to come to terms..so yea..i shld go hug my mummy n tell her i love her =)

okok..enough of sad morbid stuff...moving on..sentosa was gd la..took lotsa photos..yay..this fri if all goes well..aft work.goin to will's place for a swim..stayover n mayb mahjong..then sat..go work..lucky pm shift..not i think i die..hahah

anyways..i feel rich though i think the richer i m..the faster i become broke..i juz recieved a payout for my insuarance thingy..hahaha..n juz mid of jul..i gaf my mom 2 cheques to bank in..wahaha..i think i shld juz curb my spendin..need to save!!! need to save!!

2008-08-04T03:18:00.004+08:00

M blogging away at work...haha..pple r always amzed tt i can b on msn...but then again..i'm on nite shift..usually m done w my stuff by 1..n thereafter..i slack..haha..n i juz realised..i always kena nite duty on wkends..not tt i'm complaining now considering tt..
wkend nites= more$$..
haha..will b on nite again in 2 wks...wkends again!! yayness

so anyways..thurs aft work..met up w glen..was a lil late coz of nurse's day celebrations..so yup...apparently mr tiew forgot?? tt far east plaza n far east shopping center were like..2 diff places?!?..end up walking alot..a HELL LOT tt day..hahah..but i shall b nice coz he helped me got a gd deal for my psp..haha...thanks glen!!

fri was alrite..went to meet shawn for lunch..went over to get games frm him...cabbed(yes..i was lazy) down to vivo to meet sam tong for movie..watched The X Files...it was alrite lar..not really my cup of tea though..so anyways..trained back to pp to meet sam sng for dinner...n i tell u..dinner w 2 highly testosterone charged 18 year old male...is madness..everything revolves round sex...i really had no comments during dinner...hahah..but it was fun..

went hme..changed went to Boon Kneg to meet russ..waited for ren n ian..went to MoS...met kenn n mer there...went to 54..it was filled w ang mohs..drank n danced...by the end of the nite..mer tak boleh already..haha..n kenn..was high..he cldnt even recall wad happened in the past hr..ren n ian left earlier..so the only sober ones left were me n russ..hahaha..left abt 3ish..shared a cab hme..

sat slpt till like 6-ish..woke up n got ready for work...haha..i was freaking tired lar...nite was alrite..but there's juz a pt who gives me the creeps...he kept caressing my hand while e dr took bloods...then da last thing he said freaked me out tt i told my staff i'm nv entering tt room anymore..*shudders*..juz thinkin abt it gives me goosebumps ..told my parents abt it..mom was like..aiyo..better not enter tt cubicle alone..spoke to mark over the fone..he juz laughed n said "careful he dun squeeze ur ass"..wad da hell lar!!

aft work..went to blk 3 for brekkie w shawn..headed to church aft tt..warden's commissioning..gosh..i was really fighting the ZZZ monster during mass la..coz had to sit infront...sians..was soo tired..still is though..but its only 4 now!! sigh..i haf 3 hrs to go till my shift ends n sister wants the nite shift to stay awhile longer till 9 to go for sum fire roadshow i.e. how to use the extinguisher...gosh..shant waste my precious slpin time..haha..

2008-07-27T22:21:00.002+08:00

happy birthday yvonne!!

okok..so its still wayy too early..but since u celebrated it on sat..so yea..hope u like ur pressie..anyways..it was gd to juz meet up w my loves zena n lanie in the aftnoon..i so love zena's room..its freaking nice!! so anyways..aft work..rushed to marina to get vonne's pressie..then cabbed to zena's..sumhow was feelin sick =S.. napped alil at zena's then she drove us to loyang..stayed till 10-ish then left...coz we were tired..

juz got back frm bro's confirmation...n i agree w sam tong..it can b nostalgic..haha..anyways..drove my parents n bro to serangoon gardens (amidst violent objections n naggings frm daddy coz he dreads the parking there)..got a parking pretty fast( though dad was complaining frm the time we left church tt there aint carparks)..n went to ice3 for sum ice cream..my treat unfortunately..haha..

so anyways..aint feelin quite "up" these few days..i feel so lost..sumhow..sigh..n to add on it..daph is breakin down again..n infront of me..i really dunno how i'm gonna find the strength to keep up..i myself m a wreck..but bcoz of her...i hafta b extra strong..to put up a front for her..it only dawned upon me tt i was lookin n actin "normal" at work..when she said this to me " kris, think i'm da one who's gonna need support" coz i was lamentin to her how much i dread the day mark leaves n all...n she's like..dun worry..i'll b there...i mean..how do u tell a person who's suffering frm depression tt its gonna b ok?? how do u tell her to stop self hurting..how do u tell her tt u're feelin like crap too?? how do u tell her..tt u too..wan an outlet?? to let all this feelings out??

anyways..i came across a lil box in my cupboard..whr i kept letters dear to me..not the in sec sche write kind..but those..really deep meaning n filled w lotsa personal feelings..n while reading 1 tt i recieved beginnin of the year..i found cards..meaningful cards n i thot back abt our conversation not too long ago...and these 2 cards stood out frm the rest..

"The ones who are bound to be your friends must lose your trust just once to prove that they can win it back..give friends a chance to make up for their mistakes"

"A best friend is someone who loves you when you forget to love yourself"..

many times...i always felt insecure abt myself..n how u always did everything u cld to make me feel better..to make me feel better..even if that whole cycle repeats again everytime we shopped together...n how everytime i rant abt how smart n pretty u are n how i'm da opposite of u..n u'd always reassured me..find words to make me feel gd abt myself...

but i guess things happened..n things wun b the same anymore..but..i'm juz glad we're talking..honestly...

ahh..i feel like fuck..n it dosen help tt the one person i love to haf here rite now..is far away.. days spent at work keeps me preoccupied...but da moment it comes to nites..or times when i feel like crap..at times like these..i miss you..i miss you so damn much..i miss your smell..i miss you arms ard me..juz giving me a reassuring hug like u always do..when you're not around, it feels like a piece of me is missing..sigh..

i miss you so much, mark...

2008-07-20T02:41:00.002+08:00

Work's pretty stressful nowadays since JCI audit is making its way to TTSH in august...SGH kinda finished their's already i think..jac's really lucky to have gotten her AL on the audit days..unfortunately for me..we're not allowed to take leave in the mth of aug..nor are we even allowed to request for a particular shift..damn it.. this is soo unreasonable la..but wad to do when u're at the end of the food chain yea?

fri went out for dinner w the church pple...a final gatherin for mark..aft tt..we went on to island creamery for desserts whr william broke a chair..like seriously broken...but the owner dosen even noe...thank goodness.. then we split ways...coz i hafta work am shift..so the guys made their way to will's place for drinks n wad not..while i went hme w adam n charmaine...honestly..adam can b a pain in the ass at times..but tt nite..thanks..really..for sending me hme..who wld haf thot a pple like adam n i can actually b frens for the past..14 yrs coming..scary but true..haha..

sat..went to work like a freaking zombie..i was so tired coz i cldnt slp the nite b4 (n the nites b4 but yea..) n i was complaining to mabel tt i was damn slow..coz i took the last team..so while waiting to recieve report frm the nite duty...i was serving medicines..n usaully..by the time it was my turn..i wld haf finished serving meds for at least 3/5 of the cubicle (5 patients in 1 cubicle) but tt day...i only finished serving 1 PATIENT!! i was seriously damn slow..n cld barely focus la..damn it...

aft work..dad drove us to AML building to see cars..he's like so into this suzuki vitiera?? (i think i spelt wrongly)it damn nice..me? i was juz busy viewin my swifts..haha..n b4 tt..was running across the road coz there was an oncoming car...n lo n behold...MY PHONE DROPS ONTO THE ROAD...N SLIDE FOR A DISTANCE!! n now..i'm damn heartbroken coz the scratches is like..FUCK!! sigh...

went hme..slacked alil..drove to mark's to meet him b4 he leaves in like (according to the time now) 4 hrs...i wld love to go n see u off at the airport..but i guess..i dun think i'll b able to..i noe i cnt do it...

mark, i wish u a safe journey there aite..i'l see u in nov..all the best yea..dun worry..u'll b able to cope there..*hugs*

drove to yassins aft to ta pao drinks for kor n his mahjong kakis...i now understand why my drivin instructor always says nv to drive on a preoccupied mind..it impairs ur judgement...n thank goodness i was still "alert" enough...juz aft yassin..there was a freakin police car there w the lights off la!! n i was juz speeding away till i saw..damn heng..nvm..aft tt..very1 noes tt there's rd divertion at my area..i juz sped thru...n i like cut 3 lanes w huge lorry behind me..n i was like this close (puts thumb n finger really close together) to the lorry..thank god he slowed down..hahaha..if not for the cameras n police..drivin fast is..well..exhilarating if u're on a clear mind..madness if u're not...think its all willy's fault for influencing me..haha..always talking abt drivin fast..

All I know is I'm lost without you, I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you, I need you by my side

2008-06-28T17:31:00.003+08:00

well well.. HK trip was fun..despite da weather being so freaking HOT!! its worse then back here some how or rather...first day was rather fruitful..dropped off our stuff at the hotel..pretty nice..then headed out for lunch..walked ard n randomly entered a store sellin wanton mee...omg!! its is damn gd..i mean..whr in s'pore can u find HUGE wantons filled w juz PRAWNS..it was filling n delicious!! then walked to ladies street whr we shopped! din shop much though..din see stuff tt i like..glen like went mad at the shoe shops..bought like a total of 3 pairs?! goodness me...n glen can bargain..nxt time go bangkok muz bring him...hahah...shopped till 10ish..had dinner then headed back

2nd day was Disneyland..it was scorching there!!! but was fun...goin back to ur childhood..haha..we managed to catch most of the performances n all..the water parade was nice..but it wasnt tt nice getting wet while takin pics! then the lion king performance was fantastic..the singing n all..wow...stayed ard till 8 ish..watched da fireworks...10 mins long..wah..spore wan lose la...10 mins worth of fireworks..n it was magnificent...it is act syncronised w all the disney princesses songs la...pretty pretty.. headed back for dinner..then walked ard abit more whr the guys passed HK's very own "SIM LIM" n they were like..WHAAA..so cheap..yeap..too bad they were closing...aft tt..walked the streets..glen bought like 5-6 shirts??? we had to stop him b4 he went mad la!! returned back to hotel..counted our money..realised glen is almoz broke!! haha..took a loan frm MV bank(mark valath..coz he apparently din bank in the money i passed him when he changed my HK dollars)

3rd day..supposed to wake up at 0930 to head to macau..but well..every1 juz slpt..snoozed all the alarm..omg..taking abt alarm..sam has THE most ANNOYING ALARM EVER!!! hows tt waking up to the "GATSBY" song?!?! i went mad la..n glen's one sounded like someone was calling him!!!argh..me being the light slper went seriously mad coz non of them cld hear the alarms at all..which by the way was DAMN LOUD...so anyways..we ended up shopping ard HK area..din get much...then headed back..we act woke up abt 1ish n made it in time for dimsum which closes at 3-4?? cnt rmb..

4th day..FINALLY managed to wake up at 10ish..had lunch at da same dim sum place s$12 per person for a wholeload of dimsum is damn worth it la..MTRed(their version of mrt) to the ferry terminal..took a ferry over to macau...met a tourguide there..who charged us HK200 per person when he normally charged 1200 for 4 pple...gd deal eh..
went to st paul's church..whr only the front part of the church survived the fire...then shopped abit for delicacies..then he drove us sight seeing..n then he said.."u all wan go macau tower??" me n sam..FROZE...its 58 stories high..n we were both afraid of heights..but seein the guys so enthusiastic abt it..we decided to go ahead..i freaked out on the way up..thot it was covered..but upon reachin a certain level..it juz became windows !!! when we reached the 58th level..i felt soo petrified to leave the lift la..then there was this part of the floor that is glass..n when u look down..all u see is the 1st story!!! ahhhhhh...then headed up to the 61st story which was open air..goodness..when i reached the ground floor..my legs felt damn weak ... aft tt..he drove us to the new casino/hotel THE VENETIAN...my gosh..it is soo pretty!! the gambled abit..or rather..i played took over mark at the roulette table coz he needed to go to the gents..n guess wad..i was up 400!! according to him..8 times his capital..but well..in gambling..u win n lose..so dropped to 290?? then i decided to stop...n he gaf me 100hk hahahah...left abt 11sh..catch da ferry..reached HK at 1ish..din manage to catch da last train..took a bus back..

last day..decided to slp in till 10ish..woke up packed up...then checked out...left our bags at the concierge then went for last min shopping...I managed to find my sharksfin flavoured pocky!!! yayness..haha...wanted to buy back kruspy kream..but i had no more hands for hand carry..hahah..shopped abit..left at abt 5..collected our bags..walked to dunno whr to wait for the airport shuttle service..my gdness!! the first wan juz drove off la...had to wait for another 12mins for the nxt one..bummer...reached airport..checked in..then rushed thru dinner...cldnt bring water in as well..n since mark knew i wanted to keep the disneyland bottle..he chugged down almoz 3/4 of it!! all glen did was stood n stare..haha..we all thot he'd share half with glen..then while rushing in..he felt so bloated he wanted to puke..hahah..

and guess wad..we met claire..the gal frm church..who used to b in legion...n she's a stewardess in jet star for almoz a yr!! wow...

anyways..these few days..aside frm HK..everything else dosen seem so gd..sigh..went to work last nite..din haf da mood at all..n daph told me abt her probs..n we both cried..funny how things can b yea...then this morning...i think sister kinda knew?? coz she was like..i know girls cnt really handle emotions well..but we hafta let our mind rule us..not heart...ahh..easy for her to say...i dun feel like workin...all i wana do is juz stay in bed, curled up..n juz b in my own world...

2008-06-19T14:25:00.002+08:00

Yay..in approx 12 hrs time..i'll be flying off to HK for a well awaited trip with glen sam n mark!! so excites..cnt wait

ytd..had a surprise party for mark..managed to get william to open hse so we cld haf it there...n every1 managed to b on time..except us though...haha..initial plan was to get him there b4 12..but..we were still on the way there at 12..hahah..it was nice..the place n everything...the guys threw each other in the pool..joyce got wet too..i was saved by wearing a dress as well as dree's persistant : " NOOOO!! SHE'S WEARING A WHITE DRESS..U CNT THROW HER DOWN"..yes..dree can scream loud enough...n will's fren john (by the way..during tt..i was already being lifted off the ground) was busy shoutin at wilson to put me down coz i chao geng -_-''...anyhows...every1 had fun...too bad dree had to leave early as she's workin..

Prior to the party..dinner reservations were made at Marina Mandarin's Aquamarine...was act contemplating Meritus Mandarin's Triple 3..but..a tad bit pricey...nxt time k!...mark was so busy "designing" his food..its a buffet by the way..haha...n pretty proud of his "art work" fotos are at facebook...walked ard n waited for will to call mark into bluffin him to his place..went hme 6ish..gosh..24 hrs w/o slp..is madness..haha..

anyways...back to packing..

2008-06-12T17:13:00.003+08:00

Have you ever experienced a time where you're just so overwhelmed with emotions, that you have no idea what you're feeling, and it makes you feel very sucky..I did..and it sucks cause i have no idea whats causing it..i was glad that you were there when i just needed assurance and a hug and when you just held me..i just wish it would not end..though you wouldnt understand what was happening..i didnt either..haha..but yea..it felt reassuring that everything would be fine..

every morning for the past few months since delifrance opened in TTSH..its been a very nostalgic 5 sec walk-pass feeling..it brought me back to when i was in sec 3..where my 3 very good friends and I worked part time just for exposure and experience..the smell of freshly baked baguettes and croissants.. how we always bullied our manager to let us drink the soup especially when its clam chowder..how we ate whatever we wanted and not get scolding..how we laughed among ourselves at the way people pronounced baguettes as "peh quek" or croissants as "croy sants".. how we bitched about annoying customers..how we packed all the food home at the end of the day cause pastries cant be kept overnight..it was fun..and every morning..when i walk past..i'd reminise..

yesterday..i caught sight of something..something that i felt has been missing since...i was walking..and there..infront of me..were 2 girls..they must have been best of friends by their actions...i saw the way they walked...they held hands..happily chatting away..oblivious to their surroundings..as if the world were just the 2 of them...and then it struck me...what happened?? I used to have that with you..but something bad happened..could be you..could be me..we'd never really know till we speak to each other again...I'd really missed the times when we'd just go out..sit at a cafe with a drink and just talk...talk about anything and everything..shared almost everything..how you'd know not to message me before 11am on saturdays for i'll still be asleep..how when we had something bothering us..we could juz call and spend hours talking..honestly...i missed those times...

one incident happened recently..and I was green with envy...i told you that..and you said.."dont be stupid lar..i can be your best friend too k" ..and when you cancelled out on me..I didnt feel sad..cause i knew how you felt..and i wouldnt want you to experience what i had..you guys have like the best friendship i'd known..so yea..we can always go out another day..but you can never find a best friend overnight yea!

anyway..the above refers to like 3 different people..thats why it seems so random and..i dont know what else..but yea..after waking up and typing this...i kinda figured out why i had that kinda whirlwind of emotions...

oh wells..on a lighter note..m leaving for HK in 8 days..and i havent changed money yet..and i'm so excited coz the car's gonna be mine for the whole weekend!! parents are flying off to macau..so i dont have to worry about coming home late (actually..i never really had to worry about that..never had curfews..haha)

2008-06-08T19:16:00.002+08:00

M on night again.. yes..its so often that it has more or less screwed up my body clock..and it is pretty fucked up...I m so deprieved of sleep..seriously!! and whats worse is that the sister came up to me this morning n said..kris..did you note your roster changes? i was like..err..yea..am on 4 nights instead of 3 yea? workin weekend nights has its previledges such that i have extra money..as in like..ALOT...well..not really la..but its better than nothing yea?!

In 11 days time..i'll be in Hong Kong..i'm really excited..and scared...excited cause of all the fun and shopping i'm gonna do..scared cause..i'm wondering how i'm gonna survive 4-5 days with the rest..its really a test man!! haha..but then again..i'm pretty much very "anything la" kind..so..we'll see..haha..

anyways..last night..met up with a couple of ex colleagues..and its so nice to juz sit chat n eat..then i had to rush for work..bleah..i went work smelling of bbq-ed food (we went to seoul garden) couldn't stand it, so took a nice refreshing bath..but it was not enough to keep me WIDE awake..then..i had a resuscitation...it was soo sudden..one moment she was screaming..the next..she just collapsed..sigh..m pretty sad about it cause i've kinda nursed her for coming to a month now..and to see such sudden detioriation is pretty upsetting...but i guess this is life...

so after work..took a lift from dad to BK's macs to meet shawn for brekkie..bumped into sam n gab..i was soo stoned..went for mass..didnt know i had to serve..haha..oh wells..more than enough people anyway..

met up with karen after mass for some prata..had heart to heart talk..and girl..you know you can call me anytime yea?? cant wait for BANGKOK is sept!! and of cause..our monthly dinner outings and sleepover!!

damn...i have to go to work now..sucks...

2008-05-26T00:50:00.003+08:00

its nite duty again...i m sooo tired frm ytd!!

woke up at 7..changed n got ready for mervyn n christine's church wedding (ren's bro)..russ is damn not punctual la..said to gif him a morning call n he'd fetch me at 8..tt fellow happily snoozed till 8.30!! talk abt punctuality man!! came by at 9..drove down to church of assisi..
wedding was touchin n sweet..the lunch reception was GOOD.. aft tt..went hme snoozed alil more..met sam n did our hair...

russ came over at 630 to fetch us for the dinner( me mer n char)..reached..dumped our stuffs in the room...did sum last min touchups..n went down to meet ren...she sang sum song by the eagles for her bro...so sweet can!!nick kenn n steph were the lil band playin..haha..funny was..her bro(merv) cldnt pop the champagne..but managed to do it juz as the music ended! haha..he looks so happy..dinner was GOOD too..taste n all were not bad..juz tt the servers were mostly frm china n din understand wad we said...sigh...

back to the room..it was madness..sera n candy came(ren's sch mates)..we played sum drinkin game...forgot wads it called...it was BAD...like..mer russ n kenn were uber uber high..mer started babbling ...nonstop..hahaha..managed to catch sum slp ard 4ish 5..wanted to wake up to go for mass w char n kenn..but the zz monster got the better of me..woke up at 10 ish..(kenn requested a wake up call at 9 so the rest of us cld wake up for macs breakkie..but well..we all noe wad happened yea)..ren n i decided to head down to forum's mac for brunch??..ta paoed old chang kee's curry puffs for the rest..accordin to mer...it was sex..haha..i think she still hasnt gotten the alcohol out of her system aft puking..

checked out...walked down to tanglin for beef noodles..damn good..then cabbed hme..unfortunatly my cam batt died on me so aft dinner..hadta rely on ren's cam to capture all the embaressing half drunkard pics..hahaha..fun fun..n if anyone needs a guy date..i recommend russ or kenn...my goodness..they r damn gentlemanly!..thruout dinner...i din even stretched my hand out to take food can..hahaha...russ juz kept serving me n janice coz he sat btw us..feels gd to b "pampered" n treated so well once in awhile...

ytd's event really took things of my mind...but now..back to work..so many things is invading my mind now..i simply haf no mood to do anything...hme's full or probs now too..and its annoying the crap outta me..n it dosen make it better w you being like tt..suddenly u juz seem so diff..when i need u..u're seldom there..sumtimes..i really wished i knew what was goin on..sigh..i need to get lotsa stuff outta my system...i juz wana sit in my room undisturbed n juz let it out..

2008-05-11T16:17:00.002+08:00

2 days str of leaving the hse wayyy early n gettin hme only at 4 plus has made me a sitting duck at hme waiting to get shot..if u get my drift...

Fri

came back frm work at 9..slp till an ungodly hour...met karen at cityhall at 7-ish...she has a lomo cam..damn cute..i'm pretty intriuged abt how it works n all..so anyhoos...we went to capitol's magic wok for a nice dinner(no we're not on our hi tian lo thingy yet)..pandan chicken is damn good!! met kenneth..walked all the way to cathay for a movie..a movie tt both of us would have watched TWICE now considering we're accompanyin kenneth for the movie..hahaha..see..we so sweets..went to yassins..slacked..russ joined...talked till 4am...then hme...

Sat

went out..got glen n chris's bday pressies..chilled awhile at mark's then drove down..fetched adam..went to look for the place..car stalled/suddenly stopped (pls b reminded tt kristine's license only authorise her to drive auto..therefore she wasnt the driver for the nite) quite scary coz there were quite a no of cars behind..haha...reached there in 1 piece!! haha..took many photos..pretty nice place w a nice view..esp since we were on the 3rd floor...aft tt..walked along the riverside w the remaining few..sam dree gab glen mark n chris...walked all the way too clarke quay...whr en route..i had a lil mishap..(mark u still owe me a new pair!!haha) which was not too bad considering we saw 1 of glen's present!! HAHAHAHAHA...u're soo gonna bring it to HK!!.. i think gab has a pic of it...wahahaha..anyways..b4 tt while we were still outside UOB building...da clock striked 12..n we sang the bday song to chris..the guys tried to push him into the river..haha..then we made out way to haagen daz..whr dree decided she was hungry..n mark drove me hme(now we all noe who stalled..haha) to get the car so tt we cld drive EVERYONE to yassins....ate..chatted..then dropped them all hme..

lotsa pics..but currently m too lazy to upload..so pls go to face bk if u wan them..hahah

2008-05-03T21:02:00.007+08:00

Last night, had dinner gathering w the grp...was really fun..i mean..haven laughed soo much in days..but then again..wad wld u expect if u put adam wilson n glen on the same table rite?! madness..haha...well..the organiser (dree) was late...we initially went to a "posh" place n then sat there for at least 30 mins..n left coz wilson din wana eat there(me chris n glen felt damn embarressed!) so we left n went to cartel to eat..sam joined us at... before meeting up w the rest..watched iron man w mark..went to do sum stuff n then met the rest...

Adam n glen

The 2 jokers

glen n chris

Dree n sam

dree n me

dree n me again

Adam being very happy w glen sittin on him

Showing his happiness!! hahaha

basically..5 pple squeezed at the back of sam's lil nissan march..so yea..quite funny tt chris actually cld fit into the boot n he even wanted too!! aft sam dropped mark adam n dree off..the remaining 4 (chris glen sam n me) decided to head down to serangoon gardens for ice cream..whr i felt i needed it coz i was feelin a lil down..haha..then we ate..laughed..took pics..the ice cream is damn good..aft tt..felt much better..haha..ice cream sure does wonders..sam dropped chris off..then glen then hme..at 0230 whr i had to work at 7!!

at Ice 3

okay..so tts choco-banana..n its damn gd...i noe i noe..frm here it looks like eggs..but its caramel sauce n bananas...woo..damn shiok..

so anyways..went hme abt 2-ish..already not feelin well..haha..woke up at 5-ish for work..had this immense sharp stabbin pain in the abdo...ward sis sent me down to ED although i cld haf gone to GP..damn..had sum xrays..blds n u/s done...i even got iv cannulated la..fuckin hurts like hell...haha..n yet again i went there in uniform..damn embaressin...

damn embaressin...sigh..anyways..last wk was my lil cousin's 1 mth

Derica yeo...really cute lil thing =D

gosh..this is so photo-filled..this show's tt i've really got nthg to do..oh wells..on mc..hahah..mxt wk..4 nite duties n 4 day off str...cant wait!!

2008-04-13T03:06:00.005+08:00

On off till mon..i wish day off for us wld be like this..long wkend..but 1 can only be wishful thinking..haha...so anyways..Night duty for the past 3 nights had lotsa drama...esp last night which had me freaked out and wished that i never had to go through it again...

was about 2.45 am when a patient pressed the callbell..all of us were busy doing our stuffs outside..so was the cleaner (usually the cleaner does help out to answere callbells at night)..i saw this white thing(i don't want to know what) going into the room..so i thought aunty went in already cause she was wearing her jacket(white)..then when the sound went off..

teresa: WHO OFF??!! WHO WENT IN??!!
me: aunty la!! i just saw her go in!
teresa: she's behind you la!
me: oh..then geraldine??
teresa: she's here(points to geraldine sitting next to her)
(by the way i was facing the cubicle while teresa n geraldine were facing me)
me: oh shit....

next thing i know, teresa and geraldine were huddling next to me...karimah n carmel were equally spooked... so we begged aunty to follow us into the cubicle (it was quite a sight actually to see 5 nurses and 1 cleaner walking into the cubicle to attend to A patient..)till this point of time..we have no idea who off the switched(gosh...damn freaked out)

so anyway..came home and slept till 5 woke up..took the car..fetched karen..drove to Timbre to "chop" parking space...and to my horror..the only available space left was parellel parking (damn it)..so no choice..karen helped me with the rear view..haha..after managing to park...she just told me she didn't know what the hell she was saying to me..hahah..its alrite..managed to park still..walked to Raffles city..met kenneth for dinner at subway...headed back to Timbre..en route..met up with char..karen managed to reserve seats next to the band..really good seats.. so we sat n chatted..russ joined us at 10-ish..he took a BUS..yes..its big news since he always drives around..russ got sabo-ed to go up on stage..chilled to 2-ish..then sent everyone home...the band was really good...we should go back someday soon..haha..anyway..pictures!!

Russ n Kenn

The Guys

The bassist and part of the band members

The guy infront was asked to go onstage(can't remember for what though) and the bassist was just fooling around..haha..

Russ and Karen

With Karen

Char n Ren

With Kenneth

With Russ

Ren and Kenn

Took this while they were taking pics of themselves

With Char

Kenn starin at Ren's boobs..haha

Char and Kenn..

oh yea..while we were there..this whole group of army boys(prob just got out of tekong by the looks of their hair style..)came in..we all just burst into laughter..don't ask me why..it just happened..haha..after sending everyone home..while driving..i really prefer night driving..there's no jam..no crazy cars trying to cut into my lane and what not..its just really very tranquil..

2008-04-07T19:12:00.002+08:00

There's been a new addition to the family..yay..haha..derica yeo..my lil step-cousin?? i think..haha..anyways..she's really pretty..sweet lil thing..will post photos soon...

so anyhows...went for brekkie at macs w shawn..tried their new mcgriddles or smthg...not bad i muz say..its alil like their mcmuffins w eggs..but this time..instead of the muffin tingy..its like pancakes already drizzled/filled w hotcake syrup..damn good!! ta-pao-ed for dad breakfast...slacked the whole day..watched movies..i soo need to get back to work..m bored outta my wits..cnt wait till wed..back to the chaotic ward...haha..

so tml..last day of my AL...moz prob gonna Minds w gene sam n shawn..cnt wait!

2008-04-05T23:04:00.002+08:00

watched The Bucket List today...damn nice show..its meaningful...tt u'd do everything u had wanted to do when u were younger before u "kick the bucket"..morgan freeman's a gd actor..so anyhows...got a belated pressie today...its really nice..mom thot it was nice too..haha..n then she demanded i give her my old wallet..-_-''...crazy cute lil woman..haha..speakin of her..last nite while still at esplanade w ren..she msged n asked whr i was..told her...n then he reply was hilarious..i mean..seriously ma!!..she was like..wad u doin there?? throwin bak zhang into the sea to pray for gd husband ar? ...i tells u..my mom is mad!! haha..

So...
sum1 told me.."hey..u've fulfilled everything u wished for on ur wishlist...y u still unhappy"...then it struck me...tt wishlist has not been updated since the day i got this blog...n then it nv occurred to me till now that..hey..i've got wad a wanted on that list!..its an achievement in a way coz..i got all those with my hard earned money..but then... a license..its for practicality..yes..i'm happy i've finally got it..but the joy's juz for awhile...clothes plus money..yea..earnin $$ aint fun..but w money comes evrything tt can b bought..my own com...a new phone...those things do make me happy..but those are transient...in a few yrs/mths...i prob get ant new fone...i cld juz get a new laptop..so wad...it isnt wad makes a person truely happy...

so if You think tt all those accomplishments shld make me happy..you're wrong..theres more than that little list...

2008-04-05T02:40:00.008+08:00

I'm a Happy happy person!! haha..had a really delicious n wonderful dinner at marina mandarin w karen..food was damn gd!! desserts were better..i love their drunken prawns..damn power!! haha..we feasted on fresh seafood..sio bak..roast duck..papadam..chawanmushi...ahhh..simply gd..decided tt we will go n splurge on gd food like these at least once a mth!! haha..so anyways..took a walk down to esplanade (so romantics..we likes)..haha...chatted abt our families n life..till we forgot abt the time..left abt 1-ish...cabbed hme...supposedly to haf gone to ikea w russ..but he pang seh-ed for fishing..u owe us!! haha...

Karen!

Me!

Us w cute lil fancy desserts..
Us again

Drunken prawn (this time only the soup)

Ren!

anyhows...thurs went to East Coast park w daph!! missed tt gal..haven seen her since she went on leave long long time ago...hopefully she gets da green light frm tt doc to come back to work!! cycled to the jetty..chatted..till it started pouring!! seek shelter..played uno..(yes..tt gal even brought uno..winnie the pooh wan summore!) aft tt..headed to coffee beans to slack..n took crazy fotos while experimenting w our fones!! haha i love my samsung fone!! =)

Daph n me (takin shelter)

Playin with my new fone =)

Faster come back lar

Coffee beans n you
I miss you!!

hahaha

aft tt..split ways abt 4-ish..went hme..rushed to bathe n meet jac at down..gosh..it was POURING!! thank goodness met sam's mum in da lift...got a lift frm her...i tell u..da area outside somerset mrt was FLOODED..it was ankle deep la!!! then there was this 2 gals infront of me..suddenly stopped, screamed..n ran..RAN!! splashin water at others la!! all bcoz there was a frog/toad hoppin happily across..hahahah damn funny...met zc..told him if he was gonna go to the station..he's gonna get his shoes wet..haha..wonder how he managed..walked ard taka alil..then headed to peranakan place's TCC to find shawn n alex..had dinner there..loved da Toasted Hazelnut Latte..gd gd!! then headed down to ps..shopped abit..then split ways..

yay.. m off till tues!! then on nite till fri..so i geet the wkends off again...i likes!!! wish every wk wld b like tt...oh wells...

2008-04-01T16:24:00.002+08:00

yay..m finally on leave..LONG 1 WK BREAK away frm the madness chaotic ward...a much needed escape frm it all...

so anyway..sat was pretty fun..went to east coast for kenneth's party..i like goin to bbqs whr russ is ard..coz then it wld mean non of us hafta take turns to bbq..n we dun hafta stand in front of the fire..hahaha..played taboo till abt 2-ish..n i got to drive russ's car!! haha..u noe usually if like sum1 drive's sum1 else's car (esp a new driver)..the owner wld b pretty kan chiong n all..thank goodness russ wasnt exactly tt kinda person..all he kept sayin was..eh..humps humps humps..yes..east coast has a billion of those!! n the strips thingy..so annoying..n yes..i drove all 4 of us hme safe n sound k!!

anyway..have u encounted a day or a period of time in ur life whr u juz feel so bothered..so troubled..but u haf no idea wads buggin u..n u juz get all annoyed at every lil thing?? i'm currently in tt moment...i haf no idea y..mayb coz dad's been buggin me to try n get the hospital to sponsor my studies again..when i haf told him countless times tt they only sponsor diplomas!! its juz so irritating la..haiz..its not tt i dun wana study..its juz..i noe its gonna b damn tiring..sigh..i need to get out of this moment soon!! its driving me crazy...

2008-03-14T23:03:00.004+08:00

Ok..how many of u haf experinced sum1 dying on ur bday?? gosh...my patient was gasping when i came to work on the 12/3...so ms big mouth(wana noe hu..ask me) loudly exclaimed..:" kris! he wun make it past ur shift wan..confirm"..i was like..wad da hell..he sure will la..i wana haf a happy bday la..yan bao was like sayin..dun worry..will die b4 midnite...so at the stroke of midnite...when my colleagues wished me..the ah ma came n say..missy..u go see ur patient...i was like..sian...thank gdness it wasnt an active resus..it was a DIL DNR (do not resuscitate)..so all i had to do was place the ecg leads on n juz wait for asytole(flat line)..informed dr n all..TOD was 0005hrs..so near yet so far..haha..

so anyways..was awoken up my lotsa drilling n all..coz apparently..due to the massive rd works downstairs..kinda caused the building to tilt (though not significantly) therefore causing my floor tiles to "pop" up..so mom called LTA n they said they'll do pay half of the renovation...oh wells..better than nthg rite...

met mark for lunch at swensens..went to watch step up2..then split ways..he to camp to "search" for mas selamat..haha..headed down to suntec to meet lanie n zena..haven seen them in mths!! ate at muthu's curry coz we wanted to try smthg diff frm the usual western cuisine n all..was really gd!! i like the fish head curry!! zena bought cake for me!! so sweet..haha..aft tt we headed to ben n jerry's for dessert..strawberry cheesecake rocks can! cut cake there..haha...so sweet of them!! we shld meet up soon!! thanks lanie for the present..really cute...n zena for the cake!! n ur time off frm ur busy busy schedule!! hearts u both!!!

lanie n me

Zena n lanie..zena shows her poorness..lanie her richness..hahaha

me n zena w green tea cake
us 3...
us again...
me n lanie

2008-03-11T02:19:00.003+08:00

On nite duty again...my nites always seem to b so frequent..but oh wells...this wk's wan was my request...so cnt complain...gosh..m like the middlewoman of my colleagues's cat fight..i mean..i dun blame A for feelin this way..coz B is like..the ward sister's "pet" n everytime B isnt happy w smthg..she'll go directly to the sister to complain..which i think isnt fair if u dun sort it out w the person involved...n furthermore..she's the gossip monger..n worse..she always exaggerates her stories..n she's always thinks she's right when she's actually doing things wrongly..even the patient's daughter actually questioned her actions once tt she got pissed n chased the daughter out of the room..like wth!?..so anyhows...B is jkuz being WAYYY UNREASONABLE...n i cnt stand it either..she wants to always b in the know of things..n when the ward sisters aint ard..she auto assumes the role of the sister n bosses her way ard.. oh wells..wadeva la..as long as i do my job n she dosen disturb me can le..

so anyhows..i celebrated my 21st on sat..it was alrite..got creamed..wad else is new eh..not only did i get cream on my face by my 2 bros..i got whipped cream by the Y.W....my goodness..lucky i was smart enough not to dress so glam-ly..haha..opted for a casual top n shorts..which mark had to exclaim..HUH.?! u wearing like tt ar? sure or not?..oh wells i hafta feel comfortable rite..haha..so yea..anyway..he left early coz tt stupid mas selamat hadta b on the run..bummer...anyway..recieved lotsa angpaos *ka-ching*..hahaha..but used most of it to pay the caterer plus cake..i'm so happy..dad n mom got me the CK watch tt i wanted!! whee..n a lovely cross with a lil diamond..very sweet..lil bro got me a bear frm build-a-bear-workshop..which looks damn cool w tt lil set of sunglasses..so..last to leave were char ren kenn n justina..kenn din wana bother me..so he said he'd take a cab hme..i sent ren char n justina back..managed to slp at abt 2 plus.. so anyways..i recieved a pleasant surprise when i was workin on sat morn..honestly..i appreciated it alot.. =) one of the nicest gift 1 cld recieve..

sun..woke for mass..aft mass..initial plan was to go hme n slp..met wilson..drove to blk3 to meet mark for lunch..totally forgot abt adam..hahaha..so he hadta walk to meet us..aft tt..got dragged to IT fair w the guys n william..it was madness la..so crowded..aft tt..drove the guys back..adam was busy makin noise abt sittin in a lady-driven car..like wadeva la!!aft tt..went for dinner n movie w mark then went hme..slpt all the way till 2 plus in the aftnoon ytd..woke up for lunch..then went back to slp till 7 plus..hahah..i feel like sucha pig..so anyway..m working as i'm blogging..juz doing stuffs to keep me awake thruout the nite...ordered pizza frm pizza hut...haha..wad a feast...so 2 more nites n i'm off for the wkends again..whee...hahaha..enjoy life for now..

2008-02-15T17:18:00.002+08:00

YAY!!!

I Passed my driving!! i'm so estatic!! haha..was glad i cld prove dex wrong tt i wun pass on my first try..HA-HA..okok..so anyway..dad was like..so..u book ur new car already..gee..i wish i cld man..u pay i'll choose definitely!! ahaha...kor was like..congrats...now ant road hazard to look out for..-_-''...wad da hell la..haha..was so scared coz durin debrief..da instructor was like makin alot of comments..then i thot die la..fail..turns out..12 demerits only..hahaha...

okok..so anyway..CNY celebrations has been quite ok..saw the new additions to the family..javian's adorable la..n aunty dolly's givin birth on 20 march..4 march babies!! hahaha..

work's been alrite..juz finished 4 nite duties..today's audit..but m on off..eheheheh...manage to siam..hopefully we pass..if not sister sure make alot of noise coz our international audit (JCI..all hospital staffs shld noe) is in august n no one is allowed to take leave then..my gosh..

alrite..shld get ready for dinner w sam, eugene, sam tong n shawn..whee...then its minds aft tt..

2008-02-03T20:54:00.000+08:00

arghh..m sooo tired..in nursing line..working 5 morning shifts straight is madness..n tt is wad i've been doin..till tues..omg..i pray for strength...even my fellow colleagues r calling me mad..but it aint my fault! hadta swap w them coz they either needed my aftnoon or i need their day sifts..sian..

so anyways...works been pretty alrite...got my bonus this mth upon confirmation..haha...dec's was the 13mth thingy..quite busy..but since CNY is ard the corner..we've only got like 12-16 patients..tts like half of our ward's capacity...workin like tt has nv been so fun..so free..slackin ard..haha..even the docs r so happy...speaking off which..on govri's last day she catered lunch at the ward..n invited dr leslie! haha..it was quite fun..considering tt every1 was askin me to take fotos w him..n my dear marilou was a sneaky lil photographer!!too bad he says he's goin leave soon to go back to the States..oh well..

cny's comin..n i haf yet to buy stuffs eg bag n other accessories...but considering the fact tt i went to KL n spent quite abit of money..m thinkin of budgetin...sian..n my ward sister placed me on standby on CNY day 1!! like WTF!! 1st day of new yr leh...i swear i'm not gonna enjoy it..i'll keep lookin at my fone n clock.hopin no one calls me to come back..if sum asshole decides to b funny n not turn up for work..i'll b damn pissed...dad n a few other colleagues were like..dun ans fone..switch it off..haha..shall think abt tt...thots of goin back to work aft a break's quite sian..4 nite shifts..then my driving test..oh man...i think i aint gonna make it..sigh...

2008-01-07T20:49:00.000+08:00

Its 2008 already!! yea..hopefully it'd b better than last yr..which had its ups n downs..ups like graduating...havin a big bonus(n blowing it all on xmas pressies) starting a full time job..etc...downs...well..lets juz leave it as tt...lotsa unexpected stuffs too..which i wun go into details as well..

so to summarise..xmas was alrite..no food poisoning..haha..was sick the yr b4..sian..i m soo greatful it was a pretty sober nite..mass was alrite..every1 was glam-ly made up..gift exchange was...diff..in a way tt..there was no screamin n shouting abt n all..trooped to my place for a quiet?? gathering..last to leave were adam wilson mark n ben..haha..had no idea whr they got the energy to go for bfast aft tt!!

new yr was ok..went to esplanade w the rest..caught fireworks..trooped back to my place..drinks ard...but still relatively sober nite (thank goodness again)..every1 of them were playing bridge or dai di..n watching xmen series on HBO..i was slpin..haha..was too freakin tired...most of them left to catch the first bus hme...mark n adam stayed till movie ended..(which both were slping thruout da last 30 mins or so..hjahaha) in the aftnoon..i recieved a really unexpected msg..smthg tt i still cannot understand...

anyways..work has been fine..i'm a confirmed staff..hahaha..no longer on probation anymore..sheesh..scary in a way as i dunno wad lies ahead..my job's unpredictable...i juz recieved my application form for SIM..but m still contemplating coz of my bond n ..workin a full time job as well as studyin part time aint tt easy..sigh...

anyway..had dinner ytd with sam tong eugene n shawn...eugene's treat..haha...steamboat at beach rd was gd...i loved the chicken rice n the roast pork..its wayy delicious..then we made our way back to sam sng's place..for a very unexpected session (for me, tt is)..but if not for them..i really wldnt noe tt wad i did had so many pple worried...i mean..honeslty..i cnt rmb wad caused me to do wad i did tt day..but i do noe tt..aft tt i felt better..i guess..its better not to rmb the bad stuff..as much as i try to crack my brains to explained wad caused it..i juz cnt rmb..mayb its for the best...so anyhow..i love u guys!! hahah..i'll try to keep to my promise k..haha

2007-12-30T00:33:00.000+08:00

i need an outlet..
i'm breaking down inside bit by bit..
i dun wana b like daph..
i dun wana b like this..
i wana b able to slp w/o taking meds..
i wana b able to eat properly..
i hate these slpless nites..
i hate this massive weight loss..
i dun wana spent days at work looking lost..
i dun wana b alone..
i'm scared of being alone..
i need to clear the sharps n meds frm my room..
i dunno wad mite happen..
pls dun torture me anymore..
y r u doing this to me..
u were my trusted fren..
i din think u'd do this..

i'm juz at a lost..
sum1 help...
b4 i lose myself..
fuck..

2007-12-27T22:37:00.000+08:00

"Can't We Try" Lyrics (Performed by Dan Hill & Vonda Sheppard)

I see your face cloud over like a little girl
And your eyes have lost their shine
You whisper something softly
I’m not meant to hear
Baby tell me what’s on your mind
I don’t’ care what people say
About the two of us from different worlds
I love you so much that it hurts inside
Are you listening
Please listen to me girl

Can’t we try just a little bit harder
Can’t we give just a little bit more
Can’t we try to understand
That it’s love we’re fighting for
Can’t we try just a little more passion
Can’t we try just a little less pride
I love you so much baby
That it tears me up inside

I hear you on the telephone
With God knows who
Spilling out your heart for free
Everyone needs someone they can talk to
Girl that someone should be me
So many times I’ve tried to tell you
You just turn away
My life is changing so fast now
Leaves me lonely and afraid

Can’t we try just a little bit harder
Can’t we give just a little bit more
Can’t we try to understand
That it’s love we’re fighting for
Can’t we try just a little more passion
Can’t we try just a little less pride
I love you so much baby
That it tears me up inside
Don’t let our love fade away
No matter what people say
I need you more and more each day

Can’t we try just a little bit harder
Can’t we give just a little bit more
Can’t we try just a little bit harder
Can’t we give just a little bit more
Can’t we try just a little more passion
Can’t we try just a little less pride
Love you so much baby
Tears me up inside

2007-12-25T20:47:00.000+08:00

AHH..its the time of the year..CHRISTMAS...yea..the mad rush to get presents aint an easy feat!! gosh..the crowds juz madness..xmas shopping in town is crazy..all the pushing n shoving juz to get to one end...sian..

anyhows to summarise the past few wks..Jas came back frm US w my stash of Reese's peanut butter cup..which lasted me only 2 wks...a yr's supply pls!! hahaha.. caught up abit...

stayed over at karen's on tues..watched lil mermaid...haha..reliving our childhood...slpt at 3am aft chatting quite abit..wed..met jas for shopping n movie w lil bro...Alvin n the Chipmunks...ahh theodore is juz the cutest lil furball can..he's so adorable..aft tt met mum..walked ard taka abit..split ways..met mark for a walk down town..grabbed drinks..then headed hme..thurs..met sam n shawn for more last min shopping over at vivo..aft tt trooped down to ps..met sam tong..shopped sum more...then headed to boon keng for steamboat..hahah..it was juz so hilarious..too bad..eugene hadta work..bummer...sun..aft work..shopped summore (gosh..my bank account is crying)..w the 3 monkeys n sam..hahaha...went frm suntec to marina to paragon!! madness..suntec..went to RAOUL..but din haf the wallet in black..so headed to paragon's outlet to get...n it was worth it coz kor likes it..whee...at the same time..got mark his present..damn last min..coz tt bugger cldnt gimme an ans!

so anyhows...xmas mass was zzzzz but oh wells..no offence but the choir was alil dreary...took lotsa fotos..then the gang came over..dex gerard glen n sam played mahjong while the rest self entertained..haha..pretty sober xmas (thank goodness)...wilson adam ben n mark were the last to leave..at 7 plus..gosh..tts like 24 hrs w/o slp for me (i worked morn shift on 24th)..mum was nagging..haha...

karen!! i soooo LOVE ur present..omg...i was like still lookin for the book la...i hearts u loads..haha..anyway..off tml...back to work on thurs..sian...

2007-11-25T19:58:00.000+08:00

every1 knows tt i'm a nurse..i tend to the sick..my patients...but today..it was the other way round..I was the patient...sister was asking my colleagues to wheel me into AnE..but i was feeling paiseh so i begged sister to let me walk...yan poh accompanied me...AnE is freakin crowded la..was ushered in..n asked to lie on the bed...

honestly..it feels wierd...every1 was juz lookin at me (i was in my uniform)..its like..why da hell is a nurse lying here..haha..so the AnE sister took care of me..got the registrar(1rank below consultant..the perks of being a staff in a hospital..hahaha) to see me immediately..i felt so grand..haha..was kept for observation for almoz 2 hrs...1 funny thing happened there was this old uncle..he was waiting w his sick wife..then he saw me in uniform lying down..curiosity got the better of him..n he approached me (i was partially zonked out coz of the injection given)and asked me (in chi)

old uncle : u're a nurse here?

me : yes uncle

old uncle : y u lying down here?

me : erm...sick

old uncle : huh?? u oso can get sick wan ar??

at tt point..i felt like screaming at him..i mean...Nurses r very much human too u noe..we do fall sick..we haf feelings too..but i guess every1 juz think we're robots who haf no feelings..

anyway..was there frm like 230 till almoz 6..stayed in the AnE for observation b4 finally gettin discharged..its quite an experience though..being a patient for like 3 hrs..hahah..

last wed..met ren for dinner..quite pathetic considering we were broke beyond words..haha..saw quite a no of nice stuffs..went to yassins..met russ n mark (mary's bf) for supper...chatted abit..then went hme..thurs..met jac for lunch..walked ard ps alil..felt bored..walked all the way to far east...we were both broke..but fell in love with this dress...n in the end..she used her bf's atm card to buy..ahaha..think he's gonna kill me coz i instigated her to get it together w me..haha..tt ratna..pang seh queen..say wana meet..in the end nv..3 times already...oh wells..

ytd..stayed back at work to decorate da christmas tree..was suddenly placed in the xmas tree committee..haha..its so pretty la the tree..blue n white decors..really nice..now i'm in a chrismas-sy mood..haha..cnt wait for nxt mth..pay's gonna b in extra early..plus i'll get a big fat pay check coz of the bonus!! whee...hahah..shopping spree..

2007-11-18T21:41:00.000+08:00

with this state of mind..i haf no idea if i can work tml...hopefully i can juz push everything behind my mind..*hah! hu m i kiddin?!*...did smthg tt i finally mastered enough courage...but stupid me..always thinking abt pple n not myself...i din think it'd hurt..i thot i'd b fine..but it turned out otherwise...thot i cld say it chirpily...in a very "i'm cool w it..i'm fine" kinda tone...but i faltered...though..da msg did get thru...

was msging a very gd fren..guess..only the smart n the pretty will get everything they yearn for with the littlest effort...while the rest..have to work their asses of to get their dreams..but wad happens to those hu puts in so much effort..but ends up gaining nthg at all?? ..gosh..i dun even noe wad i'm typing..fuck

Cause your love is like a river
It runs through my heart and soul
It's deep when I'm thirsty
And warm when I'm cold
And when I feel forgotten
I come running to your shore
And find peace of mind time after time
You give me everything and more

inside...i still feel..but it dosen really matter now does it??

2007-11-16T05:11:00.000+08:00

I'm at work..supposedly workin..but then again..its freakin 4 in the morning which means technically..theres totally nthg to do..n the com here sucks..it takes ages to load n the keyboard is juz..pathetic..wierd considering the fact tt hospital makes alot of money..*wonder whr it all goes too*..m done w a bk i bought on wed...by an author recommended by gen sum time back..lisa gardner's hide..real gd bk..yes..i spent my nite duty readin..*fellow collegues find it madness..coz they claim its too taxin on the eyes at 1 in the morn...*

so anyway..a gd fren's dad juz passed away...quite sudden in a way tt..the illness was found out pretty late therefore prognosis wasnt gd for him..sigh..at times like these..wad exactly are the right words to say to a 15 yr old?? its hard knowing tt they were pretty close...sigh..hopefully he'll cope..

its during times like these when i start to think..yea..when i was younger..i used to complain endlessly abt how controlling my parents are.. how unfair they were when they wldnt gif us the thing tt we wanted *at tt time..those things were probably more of a want than a necessity*..how we always complained to our peers how much we hated our parents for the incessant naggings and when they disallow us to go out with frens or stay out late..we throw a fit..but then..thinking abt it...if it werent for them acting this way..i prob wldnt know wad my future holds for me..yea..i still do get irritated by my mom's constant nagging but its for my own gd i guess...mothers always nows best..

n seeing this happening to a few frens(losing of parents) i often wonder..wad wld i do if i were in their shoes?? its a very terrifying thot..n workin in a place tt deals w death ever so often dosen really help much..losing a granparent definitely is a diff feeling frm losing aparent i guess...the pain is more.. :( one thing i hate abt my job...i get envious..when i see grandchildren of older patients coming to visit ..it brings memories of my gramps..i had always dreamed tt when i grow older..start working..i'd gif her allowances..buy her birds nest n all..visit her n she'd always cook my bros n my fave century egg porridge..but then..all tt dreams shattered when she decided to gif up living..she missed her soul mate..grampa left only a mth..n then..she felt lonely i guess..din wana live on..sigh...happen to view my bro's blog in frenster..n wad i saw brought tears to my eyes..a dedication to my granma on her bday...it occured to me..tt behind his facade..he missed her too..obviously since she raised him...

okok..enough of being depressed (prob coz we ad a collapse case ytd nite..n juz seein my staff desperately tryin to revive da person brought back memories..) so i met up w dear daphne aft she MIA-ed frm the ward..updated her on the ward's going-ons as well as latest ward gossips..hahaha..bought donuts frm donut factory...yummy...though i still think krispy kreme n dunkin donuts r still da best..

2007-11-11T18:24:00.000+08:00

Sigh..things haven been quite up for me..work's ok..but juz..the staff..is unbearable at times..n w my missing gossiping partner daphne missing..dosen help much..depression seems to b settin in..come to think of it..n it sucks..its like..i'm finding fault w pple for no reason..i get easily irritated by my family members..sigh..guess with stress n possible depression takin its toll...hormones r bound to go haywire...

been really stressed up lately tt i dun feel really gd abt it..causing me to lose slp, appetite, weight..which is smthg my parents r really worried abt...they think i've caught sum bug..haha..but then again..hoopefully my xray wld show nthg.. *crosses finger*..

been on 2 days mc..first day spent slping..haha..recouperating rather..but last nite wasnt really gd..another slpless nite..fuck..if this carries on..i'll juz b a freakin zombie..so anyway..been feeling rather nauseated the past few mornings..n it sucks!! so aft mass..met jac for lunch..well..technically..we wasted our food..but tts not the point...we juz walked ard..chatted abt guys..sex..n army..hahaha..yes..we actually talked abt army..considering the fact tt ZC juz got enlisted ..hahahaha..went to NUM...finally decided to get my top.. went to city chain..bought a watch for mummy..$300 bucks..Sovil et Titus...pretty nice..wished i got it for myself though..hahaha..walked frm ps all the way to far east n back..not exactly retail therapy..considerin its mid mth n pays's almoz half gone aft giving allowance to parents n lil bro *faints*...as well as insurance n stuff...arghh...i hate CPF!! always cutting so much...

tml's back to work..hopefully it wun b chaotic..gotta see the Senior Nurse educator tml regarding possible sponsorship to pursue my degree..yes!! *crosses fingers* hope it goes well..then i wun b stuck in this pit hole...haiz...

i juz recieved a bad news regarding a gd fren's parent...god bless them thru this hard time..sigh..

its times like this when i feel life is really fragile..u nv noe when u're gonna juz leave...it cld b in 5 mins or 10 yrs..u nv noe..u cld b healthy 1 moment..n nxt thing u noe..u;re diagnosed w smthg terrible...i've seen too many already..n its pretty depressing when a once able bodied person is now reduced to nthg more than skins n bones..relying on machines juz to keep them alive...juz waiting ard till their body decides to finally gif up..sigh..if 1 day tt were to happen to me..i rather juz end it all...so for now...juz learn to cherish everything n every1 ard...u nv noe when will b the last time u see those dear to u...

depressing wk indeed...

2007-11-05T23:40:00.000+08:00

Now i'm standing on the corner,
all the worlds gone home,
Nobody's changed,
Nobody's been saved,
And i'm feeling cold and alone
I guess I'm lucky, I smile a lot
But sometimes I wish for more than I've got
What about me,
It isn't fair I've had enough,
now I want my share,
Can't you see,
I wanna live
But you just take more
What about me,
It isn't fair
I've had enough,
now I want my share,
Can't you see,
I wanna live
But you just take more
You just take more
You just take more than you give

2007-10-18T12:09:00.000+08:00

Every1 ard me seems to be suffering an emotional breakdown...mayb not every1..but 1's a close fren..another's a fellow colleague...work..it seems..haf been stressful for them...my close fren..its coz of a mistake tts severe enough to cost a life..but however..it aint even her fault..n the ward sister's aware of it..yet she so worried till she even called the ward at MN to check on her..n coz of tt..she's losing slp..the thing is..the person's well n healthy w no adverse reactions wadsoever..n now..she's so traumatised tt she wants to quit..which is a pity as we have been thru alot over the 3 yrs juz to get tt diploma...sigh...

then there's my fellow colleague...she's had this emotional breakdown as a result of accumulated stress n coz theres a few pple in our ward who can b juz too overbearing..sumtimes i find them being alil too much at times..but i dun usually take it to heart coz like..at my work place..it seems tt its hard to consider any1 as a fren..coz of the politics n all..me n her can only rely on each other...so i guess she was a lil too sensitive..tts wad caused it all..sigh..i haven seen her for almoz 2 wks now..n every1's askin me..though i noe wads wrong..i dun say...but now.. every1 seems to be so concerned for me tt sumtimes i find it irritating..to ask me if i was ok like everytime i do smthg in a shift is quite annoying...as in..its pretty obvious tt i'm ok if i'm smiling at work n not frowning rite?!? oh wells...guess they're afraid of sum1 havin ant breakdown..hahah..oh wells...life's like tt eh..

2007-10-16T22:02:00.000+08:00

Aft 4 straight night duties..finally had my well deserved day offs..thurs was nice..juz lazed in bed w him n do perpetually nthg but slp..haha..sunday was slp day..went to church aft work..was damn tired..tried to stay awake during mass...was fighting the ZZZ monster...haha..cough was still terribly bad...went hme..read abit..talked on the phone w mark b4 he left for aus...speaking of which..bertam's goin too! n he has yet to buy me ben n jerry's as promised b4 he leaves! oh wells...

so anyway..mon went to far east..met ren for dinner at Hans..i actually managed to finish my fried rice (okok..ren helped)..so walked ard...then headed hme..changed into our PJs..with chips n a chic flick..we spent the nite at my place havin a "slumber party"..haha..talked everything from life to work to r/s to sex..haha..quite an interesting topic eh..haha..photowhored in our PJs n really unglam specs..but it was fun..laughed loads...then fell aslp...

today..went to cut my hair...its damn short n i look like a xiao mei mei when i tie it up..gosh...n da ponytail look a lil like brownie's tail!! hahaha...then went for a traditional malay body massage..ahhh..feel so refreshed..then to Holiday Inn for a nice seafood BBQ dinner..courtesy of kor...come to think of it..i din spend a cent today..haha..hair cut mom paid..she offered...massage..dad paid..he offered too...hahaha..n my bro calls me a brat juz coz i got "pampered" today....but honestly..it feels gd to b "pampered" by ur parents once in awhile...

sian..the thot of goin back to work tml is sooo boring...work's ok la..coping well..so yea...

I'm counting down to the day u come back
I'm missing the warmth of ur touch
I wana juz lie in ur arms n do nthg like tt day... :)

2007-10-07T01:22:00.000+08:00

work has been ok this past few wks..cept for a few exceptions...argh..was complaining..i noe everywhr has politics..but mine's juz soo overwhelming la..n staff welfare is really REALLY terrible...gdness me..n i finally understood y u shld noe sum1 high up in the hierachy...coz then, tt way, u can get ur way...damn...so annoying..

anyway was off today as sister owed me frm last wk's...so yeap...slacked ard in the morn..went for lunch at subway w mark..walked ard vivo...wanted to catch a movie..but din seem to haf any nice ones at the moment...

oh!!i saw the fone i wana get..yes..i noe..i juz changed my fone in march..but u see..my bro wana buy over my fone..so yea..considering if i shld sell it...walked into candy empire..wanted to get stuff..but sum1 forbid me too..oh wells..shall go back one day..hahaha...went over his place..slacked awhile b4 headin to blessed sacrament..gosh..i miss tt place...i used to go there when i was lil...they had this mini lil zoo..it had like goats, peacocks, rabbits..n wadeva cute lil animals u can think off...but when i went back today..everything was gone..all da animals..so sad la!! oh wells..met his nephew..nat was soo cute..i love his eyes...gosh..went for mass then briefing for his godson's baptism...our entrance was pretty embaressing..but wadeva..haha..dinner w his cousins at jack's place...gosh..so full..then we drove hme, slacked awhile at my place..

last wk, celebrated my aunt's bday at meritus mandarin at orchard...triple 3...i love da buffet there...its juz..so gd la..haha..free flow of quality chocs...lobster..choc fondue..sushi n so many other dishes...it was pretty nice considering almoz the whole Yeo family turned up..too bad i had to fall sick on tt day..had to give the chocs a pass ..=( oh wells..

so anyhows...was talking to jac abt certain stuff..gosh..i seriously think we shld meet up now tt our schedule's so diff..sigh..n our dear ratna is sum1 being the taitai she always dreamt off...oh wells...following wk k..i'm on nite for 4 days this coming wk..sian...

2007-09-28T19:01:00.000+08:00

Gosh..haven blogged in ages..been pretty busy w work n all..phew..real tiring...

so anyway..celebrated char's bday on the 22nd of sept..was a really nice party organised non other by karen...i'm too lazy to post pics here..so if u haf facebook, i've uploaded it there..go see..if not..go to karen's blog..its pretty romantic considering tt it was held at sentosa in the night..yup..food was gd, company was fun...at the end of it..coz russ said he nv got "taupok-ed" b4..we ended up "taupok-ing" every1..cept me..haha..coz i was busy snappin pics..took lotsa jumpshots..according to 4 annoymous army guys..jumpshots to them refers to doin standing broad jumps..*tsktsk* this is wad army does to u...so we stayed till 2 plus b4 heading hme...up..it was indeed a really gd nite...

so anyway...wed..was on morn duty..so went for MAMBO w ren n char...YAY..me n char r no longer virgins...MAMBO virgins tt is...*according to karen*...its damn fun..took tonnes of pics..all in facebook yet again..coz uplaoding pics there is wayyy faster...so yeap...wad a glorious nite it was..haha..cept the fact tt the smell of puke is disgusting..ever since the smoking ban..the smell has bcome more obvious in a way...no more cigarette smell to mask it..oh wells...

so ytd was on night...n for the nxt 2 days..gosh n i'm already so exhausted...bleah...slpt the moment i got hme..woke up for awhile..had lunch delivered to my hse..hahaha...then went back to slp again..gosh..i feel like sucha pig now..

finished watching "skins" a show recommended by karen...fucking gd..too bad season 2 aint out yet..i cnt wait...da leasd actor is so freaking cute *sighs*...oh wells...anyway..gotta go get ready for my 2nd nite..

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you

2007-09-07T10:55:00.000+08:00

*cough cough*

sians..it sucks if u're really sick n hafta work..ytd..was coughing non stop n all my ward sister cld say was :"kristine, u have been coughin since u took report *smiles n walks off* "..well the least u cld do was ask me go see dr rite!! wha..i tell u..my ward..when it comes to staff welfare..its the pits!! damn freaking lousy..n they (da ward sisters) r always fussing ard the doctors like they were a god or smthg..seriously...

so i finally decide to go see the dr..n got mc...initially thot of goin to work..but well..mite as well rest when i'm sick..so yea...i'm gonna slack da whole day n try not n think abt work!!

every1 thinks workin in a payin class ward (B1) is like damn slack n not much things to do considering the fact tt we haf lesser pts (patients) then every other ward..but if u see da amt of demanding, over reacting relatives we have to deal with...it adds to da work load!!..gosh...sumtimes they're so demanding tt even the drs cnt stand! (one of them was complaining to me)..arghhh....rich pple always think they're da greatest...oh wells..life's like tt eh..

anyway..carnival is coming soon..n m placed at the first aid section coz uncle andrew said since i'm an RN(registered nurse) i shld b there... no comments...

alrite..m gonna rest now..

2007-09-02T00:35:00.000+08:00

yes..dooms day was today..well..technically speakin...bcls wasnt tt bad aft all..was pretty scared when we saw sister lay hoon..so me cher n huifen went to ant nice looking snr staff nurse for assessment..damn...re-certification is wayyy more stressful than the first time we did it!! gosh...first it was da 30 mcq e-theory test...we made it!! cannot haf more than 6 wrongs la!! so much like BTT..oh wells... went back to the ward aft tt..slacked abit..then off duty!!

went down to meet shawn..so cute la he..bought me muffin..came all the way down to pass to me..so sweet..haha..tong was there..slacked abit at long johns, at the same time, velocity was having sum NBA thingy..n i rmb karen tellin me it was one of her events..called her..met up..chatted..watched a few performances...then the guys left for novena..bumped into cassendra n her gf...left aft awhile...

so smthg happened...boarded da cab..dinnoe whr i was goin...mind was juz in a whirl...finally managed to tell the uncle i wanted to get to kovan..went to my grandma's niche...sat there...overwhelmed by the serenity of the place..emotions juz flowed..pretty embarressing considering tt service there had ended n pple were streamin in to pay respect to their loved ones..i was praying hard my parents wun suddenly decide to turn up...so anyways..a kind lady offered me tissue..pai seh...

trained to karen's..met up with kenneth n char thereafter...went for sum nice cheesecake, apple crumble n brownie...then it strucked me..da apple crumble was my first meal of the day...gosh...sat n chatted till 11-ish...cabbed hme...da driver..was terrible..dropped the trio off at mustafa...the driver began speakin with an indian accent..which annoyed the hell outta me...considerin tt i wasnt really in a good mood...haiz...

tml..morn shift..i'm so stoned...

2007-08-26T22:31:00.000+08:00

Stumbled upon this song...this is dedicated to all who has lost a loved one...

Time, sometimes the time just slips away
And your left with yesterday
Left with the memories
I, I'll always think of you and smile
And be happy for the time
I had you with me
Though we go our seperate ways
I won't forget so don't forget the memories we made

Please remember, please remember
I was there for you and you were there for me
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine while we were wild and free
Please remember, please remember me

Goodbye, there's just no sadder word to say
And it's sad to walk away with just the memories
Who's to know what might have been
We'll leave behind a life and time I'll never know again
Please remember, please remember
I was there for you and you were there for me
And remember, Please remember me
Please remember, please remember

I was there for you And you were there for me
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
While we were wild and free
Then remember, please remember me

And how we laugh and how we smile
And how this heart was yours and mine
and how a dream was out of reach
I stood by you, you stood by me
We took each day and made it shine
We wrote our names across the sky
We ride so fast, we ride so free
And I knew that you had me
Please remember, please remember

2007-08-26T18:24:00.000+08:00

upon reachin ttsh this morning..i realised wad da run was for..President's Challenge...a good cause..n i decided to stop whinning abt havin to wake up early in da morn on my day off to run..but obviously..none of us ran..coz every1 was walking..n sumhow or rather..it seems tt there were more pple frm kkh then ttsh..but then again..it was organised by singhealth grp..so ttsh is not part of them..hahaha..we were extras..but our shirts were nicer in a way..hahaha

told daph's fren (forgot his name)..tt nxt time if HR Wellness decides to organise smthg like tt..they shld put in fine prints tt those hu finished nite duty/day off shld b exempted..hahahah..he was like..aiya..then nobody come..daph's reply..nurses r buzy n tired pple..he din noe wad to say aft tt..

came hme aft tt..slpt frm 12-4..yes..i can b a pig..but i was juz wayyy exhausted...not coz of the run..juz frm lack of slp..now..i'm sooo bored..wana watch movie..but..oh wells...

anyway..this is damn funny..this morn..i went to my bro's room n asked him smthg :

me: eh kor..sorry ar..can i borrow ur black sling bag?

kor:*half aslp*..huh..oh..ok *searches ard his bag corner* ..eh..dun haf..u go ask my boss la

me: huh?? ask ur boss?

kor: ya..my new boss..Florance..dunno whr she put all da stuffs la

me: huh?? who da hell is florance???

kor: my new boss la!!

me: ..err ..okok.nvm

so tt happened this morning..n then now..he's hme..i decided to ask him if he knew tt he spoke to me this morn...so i said..eh..i went ur room this morn to borrow bag..wana noe wad u said..his reply..HUH??? u came to my room?? wad time?? so i told him da whole story..we were laughing non stop la..turns out he was slp talking..he din even noe he talked to me la!! omg..tt was damn funny..then aft tt he said.."i'm gonna lock my door when i slp nxt time"..coz he's afraid of wad we wld ask him when he's half aslp...wahahahah...mayb one day i shall ask him "eh kor..can i borrow $200"..mayb he'll juz say..take lor..hahahah

2007-08-24T20:10:00.000+08:00

i haf been "ordered" to go for a freaking run btw ttsh n kk..at 8 in the freaking morning of my off day..haiz...oh wells..lucky daph kena arrowed to go too..not i'll b da only "young" one there..anyways...work was TERRIBLE today..so many new admissions n changes..i only managed to leave the hospital at 3.30 thereabouts..gosh..feel so tired...hopefully tml wun b as bad..coz i wana rest!! summore hafta go for the run..sian....

so anyway..during break..yan poh was happily tellin me ghost stories..TRUE ones tt is...n i'm pretty spooked abt it..considering the fact tt i'm gonna hafta work night shift soon..n the thing is..she even experienced it..she was spooked too..but said as long as u dun do anything to disturb the,..they wun disturb u...gosh..wad a thing to tell me..esp this time of the mth!!!..then she mentioned abt a particular cubicle..which i happened to haf experienced smthg too..told my parents abt it..they were like..juz do ur job n dun disturb anything lor...whaaaaa..i'm freaking scared la..summore mine's not an open ward..n my tearoom's way over at ant end of the ward..*shivers*...hopefully i wun experience anything!! *crosses fingers*

Nobody knows me yet everyone knows my name
Some people judge me not knowing that I'm the same
Thanks for the offer but I'll keep my old friends always
But then I get lonely counting the endless days

Are you here for me at all?
Do you care for me at all?
Well this time now I know
I ain't standing alone no more

'Coz all I want is love
Someone who can share the pain I feel
And the eyes that stare
Won't stare at me no more
'Coz all I need is time
Time for me to open up and show
The person I am
The person you think you know
You don't know, you don't know

Some heart felt emotions creeping from deep inside
'Coz being this person is all I've got left to hide

Were you here for me at all?
Did you care for me at all?
Last time I was told
I ain't standing alone no more

All I need is love
Someone who can share the pain I feel
And the eyes that stare
Won't stare at me no more
And all I need is time
Time for me to open up and show
The person I am
The person you don't know
You don't know, you don't know

jas!! its not tt i'm not online..its juz tt u're halfway round the world..therefore our timings clash!! so yea..ohohoh..dun worry..cum dec...i'll haf my yr end bonus..meaning a big fat paycheck..haha..eh...buy me stuff leh!! reese peanut buttercup chocs pls!! hahaha

2007-08-18T17:22:00.001+08:00

welll...got back frm work not too long ago..okok..i ended at almoz 3..went out for abit..now a lil shagged..oh wells...

so work's fine for me..cept the fact tt there seems to b theft cases goin on abt in my ward..in which me n daph fell victims to ytd..yea..though its like really small item (its our drinks tt we bought n put in the fridgefor break)..but nxt thing i noe when i went for break..my drink "mysteriously" disappeared..tt gal was drinking it as if nthg happened..then aft work..she took daph's..i'm like..wth?!..so anyway..heard tt its been goin on for sumtime now, n has become a police case..but apparently..the stupid police said they cldnt do anything..?!?!?..so compared to those who lost their personal belongings...ours was nthg..but now..we dun even feel safe leaving things in the locker..coz hell..those pple kept their stuff in lockers..but she sumhow managed to steal 'em..so yea...

anyhow..soon i'm gonna cover the whole entire side of the ward...building up slowly..frm 1 cubicle to 2..n left alone to die now.hahaha..poor daph..kena "scolded" by sum woman who dun even do her work properly..i mean..seriously..if u wana say amthg abt her..think abt ur own work first..u dun even bloody do ur work n now u're criticising her?! all u do is talk loudly n complain..n not do ur job properly...haiz..i dunno how to work w her nxt time man!!..

BCLS(basic cardiac life support aka CPR) re-certification is coming soon for me..on the 1st of sept..wad da hell la..30 mcq qns..cannot get more than 5 wrong(sounds like basic theory all over again)..plus practical test..meaning i haf to "give life" to a manniquin(however u spell it)..summore its da revised edition kinda thing coz researched showed that the intially 15 compressions..its like..da heart is starting up kinda thing..n if u suddenly stop..it wun help much..so 30 compressions give the heart "enough" time to startup as well as to get back its rhythm ..smthg like tt la..arghh..i think aft i count my 30 compressions..sure no strength to blow air into da maniquin already..juz hope i pass la!! hahahah.. *crosses fingers*..

so dad, kor, jasper n aaron r over in genting..wanted to go too..but unfortunately..i hafta work..workin in this line comes w a price...no leave..no standard sat n sun off (mind u..we work 6 days a wk)..my schedule's so screwed up this wk..had my off on wed..n my nxt off day is nxt sun..omg..i'm gonna die workin nonstop la..shall stop complaining coz sum pple will juz say..at least i get to go hme...hahaha..

2007-08-15T08:42:00.000+08:00

Yawns..so slpy...bloggin away on zena's new lappy..while she listens to her lect...yea...crashed NTU today...actually..ytd..stayed over...met ashton as well..heard tt char was supposed to stay over too!! oh wells...their culture nite thingy is pretty fun...its whr every1 frm the same hall gathers together for food n wad not...

work on the other hand sucked!! ytd was horrible..no offence but tt woman really suicked my blood ytd..i was sooo pissed i felt like slappin her..i mean..come on la..u're a staff nurse too..u noe wad the work load is like...when u're assigned as a junior..u do ur job..not leave everything to me!! taking case as well as updating relatives n stuff arent very simple job..esp in a payin class ward whr every1 is like soo freaking demanding la!!

anyway..lanie!! hahaha..i saw ur cute guy..ok la..not too bad..but their not twins la..hahaha

2007-08-09T13:34:00.000+08:00

National Day's here..ahh...well deserved break frm the chaotic ward..though not as chaotic as cher's..coz she was complainin ytd durin unit based learning, tt my ward was soooo relaxed...(it only seems relax coz its freaking B1 n not as many pts as u guys!but wad goes on aft dr's round is a diff matter already!!)...

Sat..

aft work..flew down to Novena church to sell carnival tics..got like 4 free tics..heheh!...abt 6-ish...went to watch disturbia...aft tt to yassins for supper..n yet again..it happens..i'm feeling sooo freaking hungry..ordered maggi goreng..lookin forward to enjoy it..but the momen i eat 2 mouths..i feel like puking..in the end..ta-paoed for mom..hahah

Sun..

aft mass..went to tampines for lunch w uncle richard n aunty nan who juz flew down frm aussie..went to taka..window shopped w my cousins..went for dinner..then hme..starting to fall sick..bleah

Mon to Wed..

worked..felt really sick...blocked nose, sore throat, loss of appetite, nausea, headache..tues/wed..unit based learning..9-5...bored outta my wits..kept dozing off (aint the only one though)...took pics..haha..

cher,daph,me

me,cher,hara,kevin

yating,me,hara,cher

hahaha..kevin n hafiz

yating,cher,me,hara

Wed..

aft work..flew to tp to meet zena..she cut her hair..waited for lanie to arrive...went to Newyork Newyork again...whrby zena ate 3/4 of my food again..plus her own burger..hahah..we ordered buffalo wings n calamari ...real nice!..sand joined us..walked ard abit...went to BnJ's for ice cream..seperated ways...went to shaw..watched rush hour 3..hilarious n gd show!...drove ard..went hme..

zena me

lanie,zena,me
zena me
buffalo wings n calamari

roast chick w penne pasta in alfredo sauce (mine!)

Sum juicy cheese burger (zena's)

Spagetti w meat balls (lanie's)
me,lanie,sand
zena,me,sand,lanie

2007-07-29T22:43:00.000+08:00

haven blog for sum time..been bz in the ward..pretty ok..but can b chaotic at times..tryin to adapt to workin life..n it really SUCKS..i juz wana stay a student..at least i cn skip lects..wake up late..now..i'm up at 5.30 in the freakin morning..i'm deprieved of slp...zzzzz

aft mass..went to newyork newyork for lunch with mark..watched simpsons..while walkin to suntec..bumped into my uncle n aunt who juz flew down frm perth last nite!!..came over to my place for a while..slacked alil b4 he left for dinner..

anyways..pay was in last wk!! yes..it wasnt pro-rated..as every1 had expected..which is damn gd..haha..but then again..CPF cut freaking $325...sucks man..so treated family (shared da bill w kor) to JUMBO seafood at riverwalk for dinner juz now...finally!! my cravings for chilli crab n oatmeal prawns haf been satisfied!! though the service wasnt really gd..da food was ok la..now..i'm 100++ poorer..aft tt..it was off to billy bombers at central for malts n shakes..i'm so bloated..haven eaten this much since the past 3-4 mths!!

Nurses's day is coming..n TTSH actually has a movie marathon..haha..dun think can catch any of the 4 shows..prob juz go hme...since i've watched all b4..

2007-07-15T19:49:00.000+08:00

She's always on my mind
From the time I wake up,
Till I close my eyes.
She's everywhere I go
She's all I know.
And though she's so far away,
It just keeps getting stronger everyday
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on
So tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
But only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope & pray
'Coz heaven knows.

My friends keep telling me
That if you really love her,
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in time
I'll know she's mine
But tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
But only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope & pray

'Coz heaven knows
Why I live in despair
'Coz wide awake or dreamin',
I know she's never there
And all the time I act so brave,
I'm shakin' inside
Why does it hurt me so?(

Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
But only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope & pray

Heaven knows... heaven knows

2007-07-05T20:49:00.000+08:00

Graduation last nite..was fun..but unfortunately..i din haf reception in da auditorium..aft da ceremony..came out..found i had 7 msges!! wha piang..all frm ratna n jac pluz afew well wishers..haha..we were seated by surnames..therefore all of us were seperated..damn sad la!! but nvm..went outside..screaming at one another to take photos..was damn chaotic..haha..but all in all..it was gd..i miss them already!!!

photos!!

Parents n me

Bros n me

Kor n me

Des n me

The Gang (back : Azlina,shafiq,cheryl,donna,me,ratna,jac,siti. front: farhan n mas)

My bitches (siti, jac, me, ratna)

Jac aka tortoise/ ah ma!

Ratna aka hippo/ durian

Siti aka tiger/giraffe

The girls of my clique!

The girls again

Donna!!
Farhan aka buffalo
Shafiq aka monkey azlina!

okok..there's more..but m pretty tired..so later!!

2007-07-04T13:41:00.000+08:00

I've officially start work..well..not exactly..considering the fact tt i spend the whole day in da freezing cold theatrette listening to lessons, rules, trying really hard to keep myself awake during those programmes..n it dosen help tt the speaker noes me too well..scary..n i'm gonna haf orientation for a mth!!!

ytd..aft orientation..met zena b4 dinner..slacked at polar while waiting for lanie to come frm work..talked abt lotsa stuffs...went over to New Urban Male to see her top...not bad lar..haha..she was busy showing of her stomach abs..n arm muscles..yes zena dear..u put most guys to shame...hahaha...

waited for lanie to meet us at NewYork NewYork for dinner...zena n da "gay-ish" manager?? got into a row..coz he happily by passed us n took ant grp of 3 in..hahaha..told her she not "guy" enough for him...ate..chatted..photowhored...went back to newurbanmale coz lanie wanted to see her slippers..i saw a bag..really nice..ZENA!! I WANT...hahaha..jkin jkin...

so yea..i wld like to upload photos..but m freaking lazy...haha..will do it ant day..so anyhows..graduations in a few hrs..gotta go rest n pack my gowns n stuff..so yeap...

2007-06-28T01:00:00.000+08:00

past wk has been alright...omg..come to think of it..its my last wk of hols b4 i officially start work..which is a lil scary...as in..i'm no longer a student..i cnt ask stupid qns..i hafta noe everything at my fingertips...hopefully..the nxt 3 yrs at work wld b alrite..considerin the fact tt i'm actually going to a B1 class ward..hopefully no difficult patients..heheh...n its like cardio(heart)/respiratory(breathing..duh!) as well as general med...its a damn chapalang ward la..but haf been there b4..so shldnt a prob adapting eh..

came across this blog..(http://thatbloodycritic.blogspot.com/ )linked frm azlina..i think this guy's witty..i mean..da way he writes abt transexuals and gays..its pretty funny..not tt i haf anything against gays n the likes..but its just the way he writes it..haha..quite an entertaining blog..but unfortunately..he only blogs every tues n thurs..n his english aint bad too..u read xiaxue's n u're like..gosh...*shakes head*..like wad az commented..his is definitely more entertaining to read as opposed to hers!

so anyhows...graduation's nxt wk..gotta go get ant skirt as well as shoes..bummer..there goes my $$...though i juz got my pay..which is pretty pathetic..n i have bills/insuarance to pay up..plus my bloody driving lessons..think i'm so gonna be broke again..nvm..aft this mth..i get my BIGGER pay..well not tt big..not as BIG as ren's (jealous la)..but at least it's survive-able on...haha

2007-06-25T14:52:00.000+08:00

Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had its say
I guess I feel alright
But it hurts when I think
When I let it sink in
It's all over me
I'm lying here in the dark
I'm watching you sleep, it hurts a lot

& all I know is
You've got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

All I wanted was to know I'm safe
Don't want to lose the love I've found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don't let me downIt's not fair how you are
I can't be complete, can you give me more?

& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right
Oh please, you know what I need
Save all your love up for me
We can't escape the love
Give me everything that you have

& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

2007-06-24T20:42:00.000+08:00

Yung Joc
First Time.. (nice song..haha)

[CHORUS X2]
It aint nothing like the first time
Im tryna tell you i can blow your mind
Baby if i touch you here and kiss you there
Gonna fall in love shorty, best beware

[VERSE ONE]
This aint no love song
More like a cut song
You say your day was long, well tell daddy whats wrong
Imma tell you one time -- just relax and unwind
Whisper sweet nothings now you blushing, chills down your spine
Oh yea you hot and tempted
Oh no not pretty ricky
But when you grind on me
Imma leave you hot and drippin
Slip in those satin sheets
Now go and roll over
Oh yea its up and down motions like a rollercoaster
I see she up on top
You all on my jock
Imma do it nonstop, until your cherry pop
Imma keep going and going, the energizer bunny
Mr long john all in your tummy

[CHORUS X2]
It aint nothing like the first time
Im tryna tell you i can blow your mind
Baby if i touch you here and kiss you there
Gonna fall in love shorty, best beware

[VERSE TWO]
Wont you let me introduce ya to thug karmasutra
This aint no lovey dovey (nah) but watch how i seduce ya
Girl im the man, i- i- im the man
I push the right buttons and the sex on demand
Oh yea i like it slow
Baby be easyOoo, watch ya teeth
Baby be easy
Tell me your vicky secrets, tell me all the dirt
You smell like peaches, must bath & body works
Love the way your body work, imma make your body rock
Once you climax, you feel the aftershock(i know i got you hooked on this lovin'
Dont get it twisted, we just cutin' baby)

[CHORUS X2]
It aint nothing like the first time
Im tryna tell you i can blow your mind
Baby if i touch you here and kiss you there
Gonna fall in love shorty, best beware

[VERSE THREE]
Yea i know i know, i still aint went soft
But i gotta go, lets hit the shower baby, its time to rinse off
I'll wash yours, you wash mine, i adore it the first time
I blew yours, you blew mines, sometimes i'll drop you a line
But look dont tell nobody, just keep it on the low
Not your best friend, not your cousin, nobodys gotta know
I know it sounds crazy, but thats just how it is
Yung J-O-C, long live, long live

[CHORUS X2]
It aint nothing like the first time
Im tryna tell you i can blow your mind
Baby if i touch you here and kiss you there
Gonna fall in love shorty, best beware

2007-06-24T19:01:00.000+08:00

whoa...i "broke" my own "record"...haha...frm sat 1pm till now..which is supposedly dinner time..i haven eaten anything..hahaha..cept for tt small cup of sugarcane which was forced by sam (her menacing stare tt says u better get smthg or i'll kill u kinda)...

went over to kenneth's with char n ren aft da CAYC thingy...rested alil...cabbed to clarke quay's Bungy Bar (BB Bar) to meet sebby n matt to watch a rugby match btw New Zealand n South Africa...yea..all blacks won..haha..okok..not tt i sat thru out to watch la..was on da fone settling sum shit..which caused lotsa stares frm da trishaw riders n passerbys (i was sittin at the overhead bridge far frm the noise..but well..noise travels)..wana noe y..ask me..hah!

hahaha..eugene is now our acting VP..n i hafta help him out..so yea...work hard dude!! we haf faith in u!!..oh n ur carnival tickets r with me aight...

2007-06-23T02:37:00.000+08:00

i'm soo tired..juz got back frm Minds Cafe with my bros, jasper n arron...damn fun lar...i wana go again..haha...too bad vee cnt go out on sun..if not cld haf gone...oh wells...

anyways..noon..went to vivo with mum, lil bro n aunt for lunch..aunt's bday's on mon n no ones free..so yea...was like damn close to eatin at No Signboard Seafood...but mum decides to b cheapskate..haha..so we ate at sum cheena-fied restaurant...aft tt..it was swensen's (with a new n "atas" name) for desserts....went hme abt 6-ish..slacked a lil...went to kovan to meet ren for CAYC stuff..collected the tics, prayer cards n wadnots...left for supper at yassins...chatted loads...yes i noe..u love me for following u for juz tt 20 mins!! n i love u for listening to me rant..hahaha...

so rushed down to Minds for a "de-stress" time..u noe..jasper aaron n my bro (plus eugene if he were ard) are so far the only pple whom i noe can make a very innocent word game turn into sumthing so crude n ..i dunno wad else to say!!..its like u throw a dice to see if u hafta pick a picture or word n then write down wadeva's associated with it...so one eg was they randomly pick a pic..n it was a cactus...their ans... : S & M, erected, penis...n i refuse to name more!!!
but well..at least it was fun...then us siblings headed to yassins for supper (yes..again..but this time i ate..coz i had my bro to pay..heheh)...then hme..n now..i'm so gonna slp

jas: eh..they not comin over already..mommy told then we cnt wrap coz sum chi saying tt we cnt wrap till 3 yrs aft my granparent's death anni..so yea..cnt teach.sorry babe..anyhows..enjoy ur hols in washington aight!

ren: haha..y do u think i waited till the security guard approach him b4 i decided it was safe to ask if he was ok...but for a "mite-be- dying-with-anxiety-attack-fellow" he is damn fuciking buaya...hopes his mom threw away my no b4 he finds it..i dun wana haf a psychotic stalker..its scary shit!

2007-06-21T19:35:00.001+08:00

firstly..HAPPY BELATED BIRTHEDAY MARK!..haha..although i did see u n wished u on the actual day itself...

anyways...wed..went back to sch to collect the grad gown..so bloody thick la!! i felt like i was swimming in it..damn big..collected da extra invitation card too...then slacked at macs with durian (ratna)..chatted abit...decided to head hme coz i was feelin slpy..

7-ish..met ren for dinner...we always nv haf plans whr to eat..we juz walk whr our feet takes us..so met her at her office..walked all the way to FUNAN..had pasta mania thr since we din noe wad to eat...i tell u..prawn aglio is orgasmic!! yes..so is the bacon aglio which ren had...

aft dinner..theres was a commotion...wana noe wad..ask me..but all i can say was...it only sunk in aft i calmed down...
went to meet mark for supper..drove ard a lil then went hme...

2007-06-18T20:04:00.000+08:00

My Angel

Every night as I lie awake in bed
I dream of an Angel

An angel whose smile
Brings warmth to my life

He descended upon me
With his wings outstretched

Wrapping his wings around me
Shielding me from all harm

He watches over me
Comforting me when I'm down

His presence here in my dream
Gave me a sense of security

This angel cares so much for me
But alas, its just a dream

How i wish that it were all real
That you'll be that angel in my dreams

Watching me at all times
Embracing me

Keeping me warm and safe
Under those protective wings of yours

But again, You're just an Angel in my dreams
But if you'll ever be my Angel, Life would be bliss

jasmine yeo!!! i rote this quite sumtime back...when u do read it...lemme noe wad u think of it aight?! ohohoh..n i think da cousins r coming over like..on sat to make ba chang..see!! u're missing so much man!! ohohoh..n MAHJONG...LOTSA MAHJONG!! ..faster come hme...6 mths is really long!!
anyways...din do much today..da repairment were ivading my room..bleah..but its ok..at least my aircon is COLDER than b4...torturing la when it wasnt tt powerful...bleah...

2007-06-15T22:35:00.000+08:00

It feels sooo gd to juz go out n take a breather..ytd ..went out with ren...the mindless chatter.. the deep sharing...i felt better aft talking to sum1...hey babe!! thanks man...n amazingly..i only ate like 1 bowl of ban mian for the whole day!! yippee..haha...losing weight..i like!! while with her..met jules...i haven seen her since we left sec sch...feels gd to meet old frens..haha..she lost quite a lot of weight since then...see..every1's losing weight..i shld too!!

anyways..met up with ratna ...saw a really pretty dress..think i'll tell my dad i dun wan tt forever21 dress anymore..hahah..walked ard square 2 a bit...then she accompanied me to cut my hair...arghh..i miss it soooo much..hahaha..i wan my long long hair!! but at least its wayy thinner now..haha..i like!!

tml is gonna b a boring day..think i shall drag my dad down to novena..haha...so i can get my dress..whee...i cnt wait for graduation too!! n ratna juz placed a scary thot into my head..she said..

R : eh kris..if we sit according to the register..u'll b nxt to boyao..
me: NOOOOOO!!!!..eh wait..got juanping la!! shit la u..scare me for nthg
R : then take foto how??
me: Stand far far lor...or juz run away...

hopefully we can juz anyhow sit..hahaha..i dun wana sit all alone..coz i'm last..bleahhhh...

2007-06-15T14:24:00.000+08:00

Sitting by the window,
Listening to the sound of the rain.
Wishing that you were here,
To hold me in your warm embrace.

If only I knew,
That what i did then,
Would cause me to lose you forever,
I wouldhave done everything, to stop you from leaving.

Now, I can't sleep
I can't live without you by my side.
There's no one like you,
You made me realise, how much you mean to me

With every memory of you,
Broken in my sleep,
Another moment lost in time,
Your LOVE was never mine to keep.

When i told you how I felt,
I saw the light die in your eyes.
Cause you're scared you'll hurt again,
So you don't want to try.

I'm looking for a chance with you again,
How is it now that i can tell you I LOVE YOU?
How is it only now that it's too late?
I'd give anything - to start anew.

All i wish now,
Is that you'll give it one more try,
Cause I can't give you up
I can't live one more day without you.

But now I feel,
This time it's for real,
I'll never come to you like this,
Expecting you'll return my kiss.

2007-06-12T15:47:00.000+08:00

this is a lil overdue..kinda wrote it ard..last mth..but oh wells..better late than never rite..

If I had the chance,
To travel back in time,
I'd wish to go back,
To the first time we held hands

We were both young and inexperienced,
When it came to matters of the heart.
We had good times,
But good times don't last forever.

I was unreasonable,
You were patient.
I took for granted you'd stay,
But you couldn't take it and left anyway.

5 years on, we forget the past,
And maintained a good friendship.
Till 1 fateful day, I found myself,
Falling for you all over again.

Kept this feeling inside me,
Didn't want to let it be known.
'Cause I fear you'll still hate me
For what i did back then.

Finally, I plucked up courage,
Somthing I've never felt I had.
And though i fear what your answer may be,
I let my feelings be known to you.

I hoped for a 2nd Chance.
You say it's unexpected,
Your mind's in a whirl,
You don't know what to say or how to react

Hearing that, I felt sad.
You didn't see the tears i cried,
I chided myself,
Wishing I had never let you go.

But then again
I guess I only have myself to blame.
But if 1 day,
Hopefully it comes,

When you've thought about it,
And decide to change your mind,
All I ask for
Is a 2nd chance to love you again.

yeap..a lil cheesy i guess..but tts how i felt when i wrote it...like finally!! i have "inspiration" to write again..coz when i looked into the lil note bk whr i pen my thots down...it has been on a hiatus la!! since like..2005?? haha.. i miss writing..ahhh..penned another one juz this morning...but dun think i'll post it juz yet..haha...

sucks being sick..coughin non stop..my nose is like an open tap!! damnit lar..n furthermore..i'm losing appetite again... it always happens when i'm stressed..oh wells..hopefully it'll pass...sorry karen! cnt go out with u today..i'm like coughin non stop..think soon my lungs r like gonna burst or juz collapse frm exhaustion..haha..but i missed u when u were gone! must show me nice pics of europe aight!! n any pressies for me?! hahaha..

2007-06-11T20:54:00.000+08:00

Spending another night alone
Wondering when
I'm gonna ever see you again
Thinking what I would give
To get you back, baby
I should have told you how I felt then
Instead, I kept it to myself, yes I let my love go unexpressed
'Til it was too late
You walked away

Was it something I didn't say
When I didn't say, "I Love You"
Was it words that you never heard
All those words I should have told you
All those times, all those nights
When I had the chance to
Was it something I didn't say

Always assumed that you'd be there
Couldn't foresee the day you'd ever be leaving me
How could I let my world
Slip through my hands, baby
I took for granted that you knew, yeah
All of the love I felt for you, yeah
I guess you never had a clue
'Til it was too lateYou walked away

All the words were in my heart
They went unspoken
Baby, now my silent heart
Is a heart that's broken
Shoulda said so many things
Shoulda let you know
You're the one I needed near me
But I never let you hear me