HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
This year, i spent my "count down" in TTSH. Not the most pleasant place to be as i had a gut feeling that someone mya just pass on at the stroke of midnight. I should start taking my gut feelings seriously from today! So yes, someone indeed went asystole at around 0020hrs, not exactly midnight but close enough. Its one thing if the family can accept his death, its another if they can't. And this family could. He's really old and ill, and the family was grateful to us for taking care of him. Its times like these that makes us, nurses, feel that what we do is meaningful. Some relatives will just rant at us, shout at us for minor things, just because they think they're a lawyer or someone of a high rank. It doesn't matter to me if you're highly paid or of high ranking status, because I do not recieve my wages from you!
What happens when a loved one has lost someone close to them, how are we supposed to react?? I may be a nurse, and to some, death is a normal routine thing for me to see. However, that does not mean that i'm devoid of feelings or emotions whatsoever. And when something like that happens to someone I love, i'm dumbfounded, lost for words. I don't know what to say that will make you feel better, cause I do know it will take some time before one can accept the fact that a loved one is gone. And when you keep saying you're ok, it hurts to hear that over and over again, because I know you're not. Just so you know, you can always fall back on us when you need someone aight!
I remember having a casual conversation with afew friends before, all of whom do not have medical or nursing background. We touched on the topic of death, and like what and how we nurses go about doing what we're supposed to do when it happens. And probably its the way that I put it, that they commented that i was very "leng ku wu qing" something along the lines of being unfeeling and heartless. When in fact, its the exact opposite. Its just that I'm not good with this, as much as its almost a norm to me, I still find it difficult to comfort a grieving relative cause, I don't know the right words to say or whatever.
Oh wells, its a pretty "dark" thing to blog on new years. But its the only time I've got now cause, I'm quite bored right now. Haha, though its full house in the NIVU, all my 4 patients are pretty much stable =)
Moving on, I'm so grateful to char and ken for making it down to find me!! I honestly wasn't expecting anyone to come cause like I know everyone has their own plans and what not. Thanks guys for coming all the way down just to spend that little 20-30 mins with me!! *HUGS*
