We both know that I shouldn't be here
This is wrong
And baby it's killing me, it's killing you
Both of us trying to be strong
...
I know that we'll meet again
Fate has a place and time
So you can get on with your life
I've got to be cruel to be kind
...
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye
And tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry
...
Not feeling very "up" in recent days, trying to find the root cause, or at least whatever that's causing all this mixed up emotions/ frustrations, maybe i do know what exactly it is, but i choose to run away and hide from it. I wish i could find a secret sanctuary, where i can just leave the real world, even if for a short while, and let me escape.
I'm not ok, i try to be, i act like i am, but i'm not. And that is what that frustrates me. I wish, how i wish, that one day, it'll all go away.
bumped into sister lay hoon the other day, she looked so happy to see me and kept asking me how school was, when i burst her bubble, saying i was still awaiting their response, she looked so disappointed, like as though she had high hope pinned on me. I don't like it, when someone places hope in me, cause i fear that i may let them down. She was the same person who did not think twice in transferring me to TTSH main building when i did my PRCP in CDC and told her it was too mundane for me, and i wanted something more fast paced. She was the same person who met up with me after my probation period and said she's proud of me as she's recieved alot of good reviews about my working attitude. So, when i saw that sad look on her, i felt crushed.
The worst thing, the prospect of me studying even if I did get in, seems pretty grim. Financial issues are always the bane of my life. But who am i to complain when there are people who are worst off them i am?! Shall try to stay positive.
i just finished night duty last week, and i'm on night again..4 nights this time round. I swear, my body clock knows not night or day anymore. It's pretty screwed up that when i want to sleep, i just end up tossing and turning in bed. But plus side, hopefully dad gets off and we can go for a short trip up to KL =)
Oh yea..dad's got a new car..Suzuki Grand Vitera, it is freaking HUGE, I feel like i'm on top of the world when i'm driving can...small girl in a huge ass car..hmmmm..haha..but the power..ahh...AWESOME =D
Weekends are here, mer's and kev's party..aiyoo..pocket 1 big hole already =(
