happy birthday yvonne!!

okok..so its still wayy too early..but since u celebrated it on sat..so yea..hope u like ur pressie..anyways..it was gd to juz meet up w my loves zena n lanie in the aftnoon..i so love zena's room..its freaking nice!! so anyways..aft work..rushed to marina to get vonne's pressie..then cabbed to zena's..sumhow was feelin sick =S.. napped alil at zena's then she drove us to loyang..stayed till 10-ish then left...coz we were tired..

juz got back frm bro's confirmation...n i agree w sam tong..it can b nostalgic..haha..anyways..drove my parents n bro to serangoon gardens (amidst violent objections n naggings frm daddy coz he dreads the parking there)..got a parking pretty fast( though dad was complaining frm the time we left church tt there aint carparks)..n went to ice3 for sum ice cream..my treat unfortunately..haha..

so anyways..aint feelin quite "up" these few days..i feel so lost..sumhow..sigh..n to add on it..daph is breakin down again..n infront of me..i really dunno how i'm gonna find the strength to keep up..i myself m a wreck..but bcoz of her...i hafta b extra strong..to put up a front for her..it only dawned upon me tt i was lookin n actin "normal" at work..when she said this to me " kris, think i'm da one who's gonna need support" coz i was lamentin to her how much i dread the day mark leaves n all...n she's like..dun worry..i'll b there...i mean..how do u tell a person who's suffering frm depression tt its gonna b ok?? how do u tell her to stop self hurting..how do u tell her tt u're feelin like crap too?? how do u tell her..tt u too..wan an outlet?? to let all this feelings out??

anyways..i came across a lil box in my cupboard..whr i kept letters dear to me..not the in sec sche write kind..but those..really deep meaning n filled w lotsa personal feelings..n while reading 1 tt i recieved beginnin of the year..i found cards..meaningful cards n i thot back abt our conversation not too long ago...and these 2 cards stood out frm the rest..

"The ones who are bound to be your friends must lose your trust just once to prove that they can win it back..give friends a chance to make up for their mistakes"

"A best friend is someone who loves you when you forget to love yourself"..

many times...i always felt insecure abt myself..n how u always did everything u cld to make me feel better..to make me feel better..even if that whole cycle repeats again everytime we shopped together...n how everytime i rant abt how smart n pretty u are n how i'm da opposite of u..n u'd always reassured me..find words to make me feel gd abt myself...

but i guess things happened..n things wun b the same anymore..but..i'm juz glad we're talking..honestly...

ahh..i feel like fuck..n it dosen help tt the one person i love to haf here rite now..is far away.. days spent at work keeps me preoccupied...but da moment it comes to nites..or times when i feel like crap..at times like these..i miss you..i miss you so damn much..i miss your smell..i miss you arms ard me..juz giving me a reassuring hug like u always do..when you're not around, it feels like a piece of me is missing..sigh..

i miss you so much, mark...